Heterosexual males and homosexual females – and anyone else who has a pulse – unite and take note: Scarlett Johansson’s relationship to actor boyfriend Ryan Reynolds may be on the rocks.

According to a ‘Stateside spy’ working under cover for the Daily Mail, their relationship has ‘hit a rough patch’. It seems Scarlett has been scared off by Ryan’s mentioning of babies and weddings. The spy said:

"Scarlett is younger and has no desire for a husband or family just yet."

What’s this? An A-list female celebrity who prioritises her career above procreation?

How refreshing.

The couple have been dating since last year, after Ryan's split from fiancée Alanis Morisette, and Scarlett’s two-year relationship to king of the uber-dullards, Josh Hartnett, had come to an end.

The spy went on to comment about rumours suggesting Scarlett, 23, had moved in with Ryan, 31, at his Los Angeles home:

"Scarlett hasn't moved in full-time. She has just moved in some of her stuff so that if she stays over she has some belongings there. She is very much focused on her career and is filming three movies back-to-back this year."

So, she's sort of moved in but hasn't really, which therefore means – as far as hecklerspray is concerned – that she's sort of available, but isn't. And 'sort of available' is enough for us.

Ladies and gentlemen, Scarlett's window is slightly ajar. If we all combine forces we could wrench it wide-open, so far open that even a normal person like you could scuttle in. Only if you can out-charm hecklerspray first, of course.

If you're reading this, Scarlett, then come over here, darling, cos' hecklerspray's got a bottle of KY, three viagras and a pack of pork scratchings with your name on it.

To all pretenders to our throne – Good Luck.

Read More – Boyfriend's marriage hopes on hold as Scarlett's wedded to her career – Daily Mail