Articles tagged with: Alan Sugar
Alan Sugar, now affectionately known as Suralan - or, alternatively, a grimacing Wooly Willy toy with a haunted look in its eye stuck crudely onto a child's wrinkled body in a mortician's suit - sits in the high chair grumbling at moronic, vapid shills. It almost sounds like the perfect job doesn't it? Imagine being paid by the BBC to sit at a desk and break idiot's hearts for the entertainment of the braying public. It's one of the easiest jobs in the world. However, the catch is, he has to continually meet these dunderheads without pulling out a carpet stapler and filling their faces full of excruciating tiny wounds.
We’re the best there is, ever was, and ever will be. In fact, we’re the Jesus of business and we’d kill every child ever used on a Huggies or Andrex advert to win, the cuter the deader. That’s right, The Apprentice is back! Just in time too, as we need something to fill in the time between series of Dancing on Ice. If you’ve ever watched this humility free reality show before then basically you’ve seen them all. There’s a bunch of contestants who are dead behind the eyes, all vying for a job at Sir Alan Sugar’s workhouse.
Listen, we don't know how to tell you this - it's as much of a shock to us as it will be to you - but Alan Sugar, he's... he's gone.
Dead? No, of course he's not dead. But Sir Alan Sugar has stepped down as chairman of his company Amstrad after 40 years. That means that all those wonderful jokes about the crappy-looking, pointlessly impractical email telephones he hawked so mercilessly during the first few seasons of The Apprentice are all worthless now. Really, he may as well be dead.
Anyway, even though he's left Amstrad, Sir Alan Sugar's still going to be the terrifying boss figure on The Apprentice. However, there's bound to be some changes - those taking part in next year's Apprentice will now be battling for a prestigious £100k a year job keeping watch for the rozzers while Sir Alan flogs boxes of unsold email phones from the back of a van in an MFI car park.
The first is cool; the second is just a plain old fool. Folded: Take the personality test! (are you extraverted, introverted, insane? Find out here! Takes a while to do though – oh, and at least one of us turned up with the same Jung personality as Abraham Lincoln) Barry Norman Pickled Onions (yep, that’s right, the Barry Norman. ...
The fourth season of The Apprentice starts on BBC 1 next week and, although people come to see Alan Sugar be all gruff and hedgehog-faced, they stay for the hopefuls.
And, as is normal for The Apprentice, the full line-up of candidates angling for a £100,00 job being Sir Alan Sugar's monkey-slave have been revealed. But what are this year's gang of Apprentice contestants actually like?
Well, one is a global pricing leader, one is an international car sales strategist, one is... oh, let's cut to the chase - all the Apprentice contestants will be hateful, ambitious, money-fixated, ladder-climbing arseholes who don't have the skills to match their endless tiresome self-promotion; the sort of people who you'd punch to death in a second if they came up to you and started trying to network. That probably covers them all.
