Have you seen Scarface? No. Then why on Earth are you reading this? Are you that bored? If you have, and love it, there’s some news on the horizon that’s going to thrill the cocaine out of your cartel!
Apparently, there’s going to be a new version of the movie! How great is that? The old one was pretty lousy in fairness and Al Pacino can’t act for toffee.
The producers of this newbie are saying that this production isn’t intended to be a remake or sequel of the 1983 film… but they’re lying because, when it comes to promoting it, that’s exactly what it’ll be and, you know damn well that’s how it was successfully pitched to balding ponytailed execs in linen suits.
Phil Spector is a great example of a person that should be divorced from the music he made. Basically, he’s a hideous prick… but some of the productions he gave us are magnificent. Of course, he’s not the only nasty shit that had a hand in great records, but he is a proper bastard.
As such, demented people like Mr Wall of Sound are much more interesting and thereby more likely to have films made of them. Can you imagine a biopic of Taylor Swift? It’d be 3 hours of someone saying “…which was nice”, apart from the brief Kanye appearance which, “turned out okay in the end.”
So who would play Phil Spector in a film? Would you need a separate team just to control his gigantic wigs? Well, Al Pacino is reported to be staring as the controversial music producer who is currently serving life in prison for murder.
Of all the adaptations of King Lear in the past, none have starred a screaming chipolata in a mansized wig.
So thank the lord above for Al Pacino. Not content to confine his bellowing, stupid-haired abilities to films where he gets to shout at people, hook up with improbably young women and then solve a murder at the end, Al Pacino has decided that his next movie will be King Lear.
And we’re looking forward to it – if only to hear Al Pacino yell “I PRITHEE, dotter, do NO-ORRRT make me MAY-ADDD,” in that peculiar way of his.
10 - Hi, I’m that girl from Heroes. Just to let you know, I need to be stopped. Just to reiterate – that girl from Heroes/ I need to be stopped. Preferably before the 2:40 mark, if that’s possible. Thanks!…
9 – Rejected James Bond songs. Shame it’s not rejected James Bond movies, because Quantum Of Solace would be the entire top three. Honestly, it’s pants – Guardian
8 - Ever wondered what Toronto’s smallest house looks like? Yes you have, you bloody liar – Ebaumsworld
7 – Prince Charles describes why he’d be a brilliant king with a single facial expression – Best Week Ever
It is the sort of news that would have lesser entertainment sites typing, over and over again, in an indecent boldness of font, the letters: OMG.
That most blasphemous initialising of ‘Oh My God’, which the youths of today treat so brazenly, as if the name of our Lord were merely a soiled menstrual nappy to be tossed away willy-nilly, it’s sacrilegious smudge left to spread amongst the scum-ridden culture-wasteland of working class society.
The word God must never be abbreviated. It is an act of devolution so disgusting that it shant be matched until the day The Kooks are considered anything other than the most grotesque of namby-pambies.
But, if hecklerspray were as pathetic as those sites, then right now we would be licking our own ejaculate into a mural of OMGs, high on to the ceiling above us, because Robert De Niro and Al Pacino are going to be acting together in the same movie.
Think that A Quantum Of Solace is a crappy name for a James Bond title? Perhaps it'll make more sense when it's bellowed by a 67-year-old shouting midget with no real sense of subtlety.
You guessed it – Al Pacino is going to star in the new James Bond movie A Quantum Of Solace.
Thank God for that – after spending weeks fretting over the quality of the new James Bond film, it looks like all our fears were misplaced. Now that Al Pacino has signed up for a role in A Quantum Of Solace, we're confident that it'll be at least as good as Ocean's Thirteen. Phew, right?
Have you seen Scarface? No. Then why on Earth are you reading this? Are you that bored? If you have, and love it, there’s some news on the horizon that’s going to thrill the cocaine out of your cartel!
