Are you the kind of person who just can’t travel anywhere without your precious dildo? Well, one such lady is in that position and, after going through security at Newark Airport, she found herself with a cheeky message of support.

A  Transportation Security Administration screener spotted the sex toy inside a bag and decided that they’d offer some encouragement.

Y’know, put a bit of fun into someone’s day? Right? Slightly embarrassing maybe, but ultimately, all in good fun and refreshingly lacking in hang-ups. Right? WRONG. This, of course, is an ABSOLUTE OUTRAGE.

Written on the back of her TSA notice, Jill Filipovic (FRIGapovic more like) saw the message:

“Get your freak on girl”

She tweeted:

“Just unpacked my suitcase and found this note from TSA… Guess they discovered a ‘personal item’ in my bag. Wow.”

“It was a $15 bullet vibe from Babeland, about the most basic sex toy you can imagine. It has now been officially retired, since I have no idea if the TSA agents manhandled it.”

She then wrote on her blog, Feministe, that the message was “wildly inappropriate” but she “died laughing” about it in her hotel room.

So she thought it was funny initially? However, she then told FoxNews.com that she’s gone from having a sense of humour about it to being “pretty disturbed” by it all.

Pretty disturbed by a humorous note. Just so you have that clear in your head.

She wrote that she suspects

“whoever left the note felt comfortable doing so (I also suspect that they believed most women would be embarrassed to be “caught” with personal items and wouldn’t file a complaint)”

“That is certainly cause for concern.”

Is anyone else reading this, thinking that the whole complaint is build around the assumption that it’s a man who wrote the note?

Would the tone be any different if it was a woman who was cheering from the sidelines?

FoxNews, who totally wouldn’t blow something like this out of proportion, say that Filipovic will file a complaint with the TSA when she returns to the U.S.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it

You remember Boris Johnson, don’t you? He’s the blonde, mop-headed fool that bumbles his way through life from one gaffe to the next. He’s the Mayor of London too. You know, the one that had to be dragged, kicking and screaming, back from holiday during the riots. He’s a big pal of David Cameron. A lot of people vote for him because they think he’s hilarious. Are you following us here?

Good ol’ Boris knows what the important things are though. Whether it’s getting rid of those frightful bendy buses that interrupt everyone’s chauffeur-driven commute or apologising to stars who have suffered racial abuse at the hands of some lobster-skinned British git-bag that probably makes up most of ol’ Boris’ core vote.

Yes, you may remember us reporting that Kelis was racially abused at an airport when she went to go through passport control and now the singer, famous for bringing boys to the yard using milk-based beverages, has gone into more detail on twitter.

Kelis described her abuser, who referred to her as a slave, as a fat, pink-faced British guy. Boris Johnson’s investigation will likely hit a brick wall as the fat, pink-faced British man merges into the collection of other fat, pink-faced British people sloping around Spanish resorts, desperately trying to find a restaurant that will serve up a Full English and a fight.

Former Bullingdon club member Johnson took to twitter to defend the honour of the British people and reassure Kelis in the process;

“Heard about the treatment you received at a UK airport. Want you to know this is not typical. I’m appalled & I’m on the case.”

Kelis was at pains to point out that it was at a Spanish Airport subsequent to this. However, Boris has apparently shut down all major UK airports while he stumbles around with a child’s magnifying glass looking for clues.

The police are being much more proactive and are looking to speak to this fat, pink-faced British man, whose whereabouts have been unknown since the 2010 General Election. It is suggested that he may be able to assist with their enquiries. hecklerspray couldn’t possibly comment on what that means.

If you see him, don’t approach him. He’s a dick.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or else we’ll kill you in your sleep or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED!

Right, let’s get this straight off the bat. We’re not talking about Sharon Stones or Demi Moores or anyone who could legitimately be called a milf.

They’re far too young for us. We’re talking old old ladies here – you know, the thought with false teeth and blue hair and saggy tights and arthritis and osteoporosis and cataracts and weak little voices. The ones who are visibly disintegrating in front of our eyes. Oh God, we’re going to have to stop writing this intro. We’re getting too turned on.

Look, here are the top ten sexiest old ladies from films. You might disagree with this list, but you’d be wrong. And a pervert…

10 – Ada Quonsett, Airport

Helen Hayes won an Oscar for her portrayal of Ada Quonsett in 1970. But she wouldn’t need to do any acting if she was alone with us. UNDERSTAND?

9 – The ‘I know who did it’ lady, Headless Eyes

This old lady knows who did it. But we know who’s going to get it. Oh, we know alright. OH YEAH!

8 – Momma, Throw Momma From The Train

Her ovaries have already produced Danny DeVito. Sounds like it’s time for us to get digging around up there to see what else they can do. Grrr!

7 – Rose DeWitt Bukater, Titanic

We need to make an important clarification here – we’re not talking about Kate Winslet‘s version of Rose. We mean the blotchy old Rose at the start of the film. She may have seen some terrible atrocities in her time, but none as bad as if we got hold of her. Hot damn!

6 – Heather, Don’t Look Now

You see that bit in the trailer where the blind old lady starts screaming “Yes!” again and again? We wants to get us some of those muffins! MMMMM!

5 – Jane Hudson, Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?

You know what’s sexier than an old lady? An old lady DRESSED AS A CHILD! Woof!

4 – Sarah Goldfarb, Requiem For A Dream

But only right at the end, after she goes mad and has most of her hair shaved off. We’re not weird.

3 – The old spider-lady from the Legion trailer, Legion

Yeah, that baby’s not going to be the only thing that burns, old lady. Not after you’ve spent an afternoon on our rotating bed with us. PHEW!

2 – Miss Daisy, Driving Miss Daisy

If we were ever an old black man in the American south in the first half of the 20th century, and we were hired to drive Jessica Tandy around, and Jessica Tandy responded by teaching us to read, the first thing we’d read would be the label on the inside of her knickers. Hello!

1 – Mrs Potts, Beauty And The Beast

Oh God, Mrs Potts is just about the sexiest thing we’ve ever seen. She’s a) an old woman, b) full of wisdom and c) A COMPLETELY CERAMIC TEAPOT. Oh, we know what we’d like to do with that spout. We’d like to put it up our bum. That’s what we were getting at. Pyow!

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter

When Jonathan Rhys Meyers isn’t running around New York unknowingly looking for his stupid musical prodigy son, he’s punching Frenchies in the face. It’s his passion, don’t you know.

Chances are you read that opening sentence and thought to yourself – “Yet another thing I have in common with that weird-eyed actor.” Well who doesn’t share that lust? Right? We absolutely love punching things that are French – be they sliced potatoes or Sarkozy ex-wives – we just want to give ‘em the ol’ salty knuckle.

Of course – we’d never do it publicly. That’s where Meyers loses us.

Chances are if you were a French man standing between Jonathan Rhys Meyers and anything that looks faintly alcoholic, you’re gonna get punched. It’s not really fair, if you think about it. After all, the French are a peace loving people who would give you absolutely anything you want. A good example of this is how they were so willing to make all their children speak German back in 1940. It’s probably a great country to border is what we’re saying.

Imagine then, if you will, the shock of a French waiter who only wants to make foreigners happy with bad food and a slight stink, but gets assaulted by an actor with a resume covered in Roger Ebert‘s stomach chunks instead. It’s almost unfathomable! It’s unfair!

For the record – we don’t know exactly how a feeble Frenchman ended up on the business end of a Meyers-knuckle sandwich. What we do know, though, we learned on E!:

“For the second time in two years, the Tudors king is facing charges after an airport dustup, this time for allegedly punching a waiter at a bar in Paris’ Charles de Gaulle airport on Saturday. According to Agence France-Presse, Rhys Meyers was ordered to appear in court in September on charges of “willful violence, outrage, hitting and threatening death.”"

Would you like specifics as to the threatening death part? The actor told the waiter he was gonna gut him, fill him with helium, and then attach him with a string to that North Korean rocket that’s supposed to buzz Hawaii any day now. Very intimidating, really.

That may or may not have happened. What did happen after the French-fight is this -  according to the Sun:

“Boozy TV hunk Jonathan Rhys Meyers challenged cops to a drunken fight at an airport. He bragged how rich he was, threw euros on the floor and then told the officers: “You wanna hit me? Hit me!”"

Of course the police did hit him – but it was only with scared fingertips from a distance on a fully extended and double-gloved hand. We’re told Meyers didn’t even know they were there until his skin began to itch somewhere between 100 – 120 swats.

We think that’s what we were told. When you read as much as we do things begin to blur.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!