Airport - HecklerSpray

Tulisa Contostavlos Courts Blindness With Airport Masturbation Aid

March 6th, 2012 By Michael Park

Masturbation. After reading that headline, some of you are probably doing it right now. That’s fine, no-one’s judging you for that. What you do in an office full of people is your own business.

Regardless of your filthy, under-the-desk habits, you don’t often hear that celebrities like a good toss every now and then. Sure, we can assume. Some of the hecklerspray staff are obsessed with the idea of Ryan Gosling cracking off into a football sock but that’s neither here nor there. The fact of the matter is that celebs don’t orgasm unless it’s with one-another because it looks better on the front of glossy magazines.

Until now!

Woman Has Sense Of Humour Failure In Airport Over Sex Toy Message

October 25th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Are you the kind of person who just can’t travel anywhere without your precious dildo? Well, one such lady is in that position and, after going through security at Newark Airport, she found herself with a cheeky message of support.

A? Transportation Security Administration screener spotted the sex toy inside a bag and decided that they’d offer some encouragement.

Y’know, put a bit of fun into someone’s day? Right? Slightly embarrassing maybe, but ultimately, all in good fun and refreshingly lacking in hang-ups. Right? WRONG. This, of course, is an ABSOLUTE OUTRAGE.

Kelis Receives Apology From Boris Johnson For Racist Idiot

September 16th, 2011 By Michael Park

You remember Boris Johnson, don’t you? He’s the blonde, mop-headed fool that bumbles his way through life from one gaffe to the next. He’s the Mayor of London too. You know, the one that had to be dragged, kicking and screaming, back from holiday during the riots. He’s a big pal of David Cameron. A lot of people vote for him because they think he’s hilarious. Are you following us here?

Good ol’ Boris knows what the important things are though. Whether it’s getting rid of those frightful bendy buses that interrupt everyone’s chauffeur-driven commute or apologising to stars who have suffered racial abuse at the hands of some lobster-skinned British git-bag that probably makes up most of ol’ Boris’ core vote.

Top 10 Sexiest Old Ladies In Film

September 20th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Right, let’s get this straight off the bat. We’re not talking about Sharon Stones or Demi Moores or anyone who could legitimately be called a milf.

They’re far too young for us. We’re talking old old ladies here – you know, the thought with false teeth and blue hair and saggy tights and arthritis and osteoporosis and cataracts and weak little voices. The ones who are visibly disintegrating in front of our eyes. Oh God, we’re going to have to stop writing this intro. We’re getting too turned on.

Look, here are the top ten sexiest old ladies from films. You might disagree with this list, but you’d be wrong. And a pervert…

Jonathan Rhys Meyers Feeds His Fist To A French Waiter

June 25th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

When Jonathan Rhys Meyers isn’t running around New York unknowingly looking for his stupid musical prodigy son, he’s punching Frenchies in the face. It’s his passion, don’t you know.

Chances are you read that opening sentence and thought to yourself – “Yet another thing I have in common with that weird-eyed actor.” Well who doesn’t share that lust? Right? We absolutely love punching things that are French – be they sliced potatoes or Sarkozy ex-wives – we just want to give ’em the ol’ salty knuckle.

Of course – we’d never do it publicly. That’s where Meyers loses us.