Africa - HecklerSpray

Awesome or Off-Putting: ‘Alien’ Mass Graves Found In Africa

July 11th, 2011 By Shawn Lindseth

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Were you one of the people who complained that the last Indiana Jones movie climaxed with a bunch of aliens getting melted together? Did you think at the time that real archeologists would never mess around with stupid, buried, old UFOs?

Well, you were wrong, apparently. Because according to some sources – about forty 500 year old graves with a grand total of 200 bodies have been found. And the bodies – they’re 7 feet tall. And they all have crystal skulls, so if you were one of the millions who didn’t like that movie, then maybe you owe George Lucas an apology or something.

Awesome or Off-Putting: Kasai Rex, The Last Living Dinosaur to Definitely Exist

March 1st, 2010 By Shawn Lindseth

Dinosaurs in today’s world have completely sold out. Instead of gutting each other in magnificent toothy battles, they do boring things like chase after their Jeff Goldbloom-kidnapped babies. It’s enough to convince you they’ve all been neutered.

Now don’t fret, any dinosaurs that are reading this. Your reptilian-equivalent of testosterone can be restored in our eyes if you ravage a rhino or something.

You know, like this…

Awesome or Off-Putting: The Grootslang

December 7th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

The Grootslang is an African monster that’s said to live in a place called the ‘wonder hole,’ aka ‘the bottomless pit.’ It’s a cave that’s alleged to stretch 40 miles to the ocean, allowing the beast to come and go in a massive, half-elephant slither.

And to make it all a touch more interesting – at least one explorer that entered the cave as a one-man hunting party vanished forever.

Awesome Or Off-Putting: The Agogwe

March 25th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

People are familiar enough with Bigfoot and the common descriptions given to him – that being visually identical to how Rosie O’Donnell would look if she always walked around naked and backwards with her face on the reverse-side of her skull. What people don’t often know is that the sasquatch is not the only hairy anomaly out there – oh no.

You see, there’s also the much less reported Agogwe – an animal that’s every bit as hairy as sasquatch but a fraction of the size. There have actually been a surprising amount of sightings of this guy – sightings to be detailed on the next page, sucka.

Amy Winehouse Single-Handedly Destroys All Of Africa

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

This must be Amy Winehouse's lucky year – not only has she won five Grammy awards but she's also single-handedly caused the destruction of an entire continent.

And that's not just us saying that – the UN says so too, so it must be true.

According to a UN bigwig, every time Amy Winehouse glamorises drug-taking, it helps to fuel the African cocaine trade and recklessly creates corrupt 'narco-states'. And worse still, Amy Winehouse is becoming a cultural icon in Africa, and those poor people have got problems enough as it is without feeling the need to stagger round their villages in just their bra shouting "My Blakey!" all the time as well.

The Bono Miracle Tarnished

March 31st, 2009 By 586 MEDIA

It seems that some people are never happy. After saving the world by organising a few gigs, Bono has been slammed by head of African Aid Action, Jobs Selasie.

Bono, who is renowned for his messianic charisma and rumoured to heal the blind just with his touch, was criticised by Selassie for not involving grassroots African organisations and saying that such half-baked charity endeavours such as Live Aid are detrimental to the future of Africa.