Folded:

• Take the personality test! (are you extraverted, introverted, insane? Find out here! Takes a while to do though – oh, and at least one of us turned up with the same Jung personality as Abraham Lincoln)

• Barry Norman Pickled Onions (yep, that’s right, the Barry Norman. They taste quite nice)

• The Long Walk To Finchley (regardless of your opinions on Margaret Thatcher, this one-off comedy/drama plays as the epitome of what BBC4 do best: light political fluff)

• Lee McQueen (seems like, for once, any old Alan has picked the right candidate; apparently he’s putting Lee to work on the London Underground somewhere)

• Hulk squish (not smash. Norton’s fine though)

Creased:

• CGI (why is it seldom as good as filmmakers think it is?)

• When those factory bods accidentally put smooth Tropicana in the juicy bits Tropicana carton (doesn’t ruin your day, but certainly gets the morning off to a rough start)

• No more The Apprentice (in 2005 it started off worse than Dragons Den and then swiftly became the only reality show worth watching. Big Brother then, everyone? Hmm? No)

• Gone Baby Gone (far and away not a bad movie, but Mr Ben Affleck needs to find his own voice and not Clint Eastwood’s if he wants to succeed as a credible director)

• Jumper on DVD (even with some mildy interesting deleted scenes, you’d still be better off eating your money rather than spending it on this)

We may see the fast cars, huge mansions and endless parties as something to envy. But at least when us 'civilians' are caught on camera making a fool of ourselves when drunk, we only have to bear the taunts of our friends. Unless, of course, some clever bastard has put the images on Facebook. But that's a whole other story.

You see, it could be worse – you could be a celebrity. Yes, they may lead a life of luxury, but they are only human beings after all. No, really. So if they're caught on camera making a drunken tit of themselves, the whole world has an opinion.

Some publishers will mock, others will be morally outraged, while some, even worse, would just ignore it.And even when you think it's died down, some website or TV programme does one of those annoying top 10s. Bastards!

10. Kate Moss and Pete Doherty

It's a very touching moment as Pete sings to his former girlfriend. Makes you proud to be British. The only surprising thing is he looks quite sober compared to her.

9. Paris Hilton

The other Paris Hilton video.

8. Serge Gainsbourg

Now, we're pretty sure that Serge Gainsbourg has had sex with just about every woman on the planet. The randy French singer has probably had sex with you – you just didn't realise. So, when he decides to try it on with a young Whitney Houston before her slide into hell with Bobby Brown, the results are hilarious. We can only assume he had a few clarets before going on this French chat show, but then again, maybe not.

7. Boris Yeltsin

If only all word leaders acted like the late Russian premier Boris Yeltsin. The planet would be an all-round funnier place to be. George Bush vomiting into Condoleezza Rice's lap at a televised cabinet meeting, Gordon Brown and David Cameron trading blows in the House of Commons. The only problem here was which clip to use, so we used them all.

6. Oliver Reed

Ratings for chat shows must have rocketed whenever it was announced Oliver Reed was going to be on it. You could almost guarantee some sort of car crash TV moment. Once again, this was simply a case of trying to narrow this down to one clip. So we just used them all.

5. Danny DeVito

The View is a morning TV programme and Danny DeVito turns up hammered after a night on the tiles with George Clooney. Very funny.

4. Britney Spears

Compared to recent events, this is really quite tame. But funny, nonetheless. Britney apparently has no idea she is being filmed.

3. Paula Abdul
Blame it in on a cheerleading accident she suffered at 17 or an alien abduction (she really claims this), but don't ever say she was drunk. Check out the wild look in her eyes.

2. Ben Affleck

Forget the fact that Affleck virtually tries to rape this poor Canadian TV presenter, it's his Pepe Le Pew accent that makes this clip. "Zeez breasts are suspiciously firm."


1. David Hasselhoff
The Hoff foolishly asked his daughter to film him the next time he got drunk. She did just that, and somehow the video went worldwide. No words could do this justice.