affairs - HecklerSpray

Ryan Giggs To Stuff Brother’s Mouth With Money For Silence Before Sloping Into Retirement

June 10th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Ryan Giggs may have won just about everything a footballer can win at club level, but really, what he most excels in is How To Balls Up A Brilliant Career By Completely Mismanaging A Scandal Surrounding Your Sex Life Forever And Ever.

So badly has Giggs played the whole injunction/Imogen Thomas thing, is that he’s now the new Barbra Streisand Effect, with everyone tittering at him for being such a colossal berk.

And weirdly, while no-one is actually supposed to be talking about him, thanks to the injunction still being in place, Imogen Thomas is apparently set to star in a musical about her affair with him, which surely contravenes all manner of laws. Still, at least Giggs isn’t trying to buy people’s silence again… wait? WHAT? AGAIN?

Ryan Giggs Allegedly Affairs One Off With Two Injunctionless Women, Including His Sister-In-Law

June 7th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

If the rumours about Ryan Giggs are true, then he’s a class act. For years, he appeared to be the model professional footballer, quietly going about his business and winning more trophies than is decent.

However, everyone (apart from sallow Man United fans) has forgotten all about that as his erect member appears to be the one firmly in the spotlight now. In fairness, it is shocking that a wealthy person misbehaves in their private life.

Hilariously though, the newest rumour (the previous one still has an injunction on it so we’ve no idea whether we can mention his reported sexual relations with Imogen Thomas or not… oh…) is better than the last as his sister in law is claiming that he’s been having it away with her, as well as a third woman. Morals aside, he’s not doing too badly for a man who looks like a hairy testicle merged with a wingnut in some horrible genetic splicing accident is he?

Imogen Thomas Loved Him, And In Unrelated News, Stacey Giggs Will Not Allow Her Marriage To Fail

May 31st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

We don’t know where we’re at with this stupid, pointless superinjunction story. Can we say THE PLAYER’s name now? Everyone else has been screaming it from the rooftops, yet some are still saying that the superinjunction is still in place and that we’ll be in trouble if we say it.

As we don’t really know what we’re allowed to say, we’ll just run two completely unrelated stories together in this one article, okay?

One involves the poor, desperate plight of former Big Brotherer and sex-tapist, Imogen Thomas. The other story involves Stacey Giggs, who is refusing to let her marriage be destroyed by outside forces. Okay? Good.

Imogen Thomas In Legal Limbo As Footballer Is Raptured By God Almighty

May 23rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

There’s been a lot of talk about a superinjunction this weekend, concerning a footballer who has allegedly been doing absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, what has happened is that the footballer in question has simply ceased to exist, with some theorising that he’s been raptured by God Almighty.

In a weekend that saw internet searches for a particular footballer rocketing through the roof, many have missed the fact that there was supposed to be a rapture this weekend, where God was to take some of the most goodly, evangelical Christians up to heaven, leaving the rest of us to sin ’til October (that’s when the End Of The World comes – so hurry up and get shagging and boozing).

However, thanks to the meddling press, God had to have a quick rethink and, as such, it would appear that he decided to take the footballer instead, leaving poor Imogen Thomas in some horrible legal limbo where she’s unable to use absolutely anyone’s name, ever again.

Super Injunctions Leaked On Twitter For Us All To Chortle At

May 9th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Before we even begin, what you’re about to read could well be the biggest crock of fibs you’ll ever read. And we don’t know where we stand legally on the whole thing. However, it is scurrilous rumour and that’ll do for us!

See, what happened over the weekend, should you have missed it, is that someone set up a twitter account and promptly spilled the beans on a bunch of super injunctions. Now, as hecklerspray has been hit with a couple of these lately, we can’t possibly verify which ones are true.

Okay lawyers?

Jude Law And Lily Cole At It Again Probably

March 14th, 2011 By Joanna Bolouri

If Jude Law really loved us, like he said he did in that dream we had, then he’d know how crushed we are that he’s been spotted running around with Lily Cole.

The nerve.

It’s only been a matter of? days?since he split with Sienna Miller for the 322nd time and does he seem remotely bothered? Heartbroken perhaps? DOES HE CARE ABOUT ANYONE? WELL DOES HE?!

Jude Law And Sienna Miller Split-Up And This Headline Is Probably Already Pregnant

February 9th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Eerily symmetrical professional penis, Jude Law (essentially a Tesco Finest Callum Best), is back on the market, destined to make absolutely everyone and everything he touches pregnant. This man is more potent than a rabbit’s ballbag.

Jude and Sienna Miller have decided to do us all a massive favour by officially ending their on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, relationship.

Of course, Jude hasn’t had the simplest of times when it comes to affair of the loins, getting up to all kindsa mucky business when throwing the keys in a bowl with Sadie Frost, sticking his engorged member into nannies and models and of course, Sienna Miller isn’t exactly an angel herself, being dubbed a marriage wrecker. We are, naturally, seething with jealousy.