Aerosmith - HecklerSpray

Johnny Depp Jams With Aerosmith, Is Coolest Man On Earth

December 6th, 2012 By Chris Chambers

Last night, Johnny Depp joined Aerosmith on-stage to play guitar for two songs during their L.A. concert, just a few days after he played guitar for an Alice Cooper show. To my mind, this is?indisputable proof that?Johnny Depp is the coolest?man on earth.

Johnny?is incredibly handsome, even at 49 years old. He’s an amazing?actor.?He plays guitar. And he owns an island in the Bahamas. That makes him just about perfect in my book. Sometimes he?goes a little heavy on the accessories and I worry about what he might smell like, but I can overlook those things if necessary.

Jim Carrey?s Daughter Tells Jennifer Lopez She’s Working For Tips

January 24th, 2012 By Lady Robotnik

Jim Carey?s daughter Jane Carrey revealed on American Idol how she's spent the past 24 years living in the lap of luxury, and riding golden ponies, all paid for by daddy?s money. Wait: we mean the exact opposite of that?

?He's definitely not the most extravagant celebrity,? the daughter of rubber-faced comic Jim Carrey told American Idol viewers, adding that she's a single mother whose been waiting tables for the last six years.

Ummm? what? There's a difference between not being ?extravagant? and letting your daughter clean-up other people?s gobbed-out food for minimum wage.

Steven Tyler Wants You To Lose Your Lunch By Talking About Sex

January 17th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Imagine a long, slender sliver of beef jerky. Now, imagine it is covered entirely in human scarring. Imagine it twitching and yelping. Imagine the greasy residue it leaves on the counter as it moves from side-to-side. You’re imagining Steven Tyler having sex!

Well done you! And look! There’s some erupting acid-reflux!

See, Steven Tyler (the second best Mick Jagger impersonator after Jagger himself) wants to talk about sex. Y’know sex right? That awkward, awful hobby that requires you to take your clothes off and grunt like an asthmatic sow, hunched over like a defecating dog? Well Tyler likes to talk about sex because, in his world of geriatric cosiness, mentioning sex is still pretty shocking. Bless his little rubbery face.

Older Gentleman Falls In Shower: The Rise & Fall Of Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler

October 26th, 2011 By Michael Park

News has reached us here at hecklerspray of a really tragic event that should highlight age issues throughout our society. For too long people have gone about their daily lives, scarcely giving a thought to the older people in our society, people who are too old and frail to care for themselves properly.

As the economic slump continues and people find it just too damned expensive to squeeze out babies like they’re going out of fashion, the world’s population will continue to get older and it is to our older friends and neighbours that we must look to and offer a helping hand in their hour of need.

It’s news like this that really hammers that fact home.

Steven Tyler And Johnny Depp Make Terrible Music Together

May 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Aerosmith are an astonishing tale. They really are. Through drugs, women and one of the most average back catalogues in rock history, they’ve managed to become superstars simply by surviving.

And up-top, there’s wobbling sofa-bed lipped Steven Tyler, poncing around like royalty, determined to be louder than his bandmates who have had to put up with him since some time in the ’70s.

However, Aerosmith hate each other’s guts at the moment so Steven is making music with someone else. Another deity from rock’s pantheon? No. Johnny ‘the actor’ Depp. That’s right kids! Tyler and Depp are making awful music together and Tyler likes mentioning it, just on the off-chance it grinds the gears of Joe Perry & Co. Which it will. Because they’re all wrinkly children with failing livers.

American Idol Say Sorry For Steven Tyler, But Sadly, Not For Years Of Dismal Aerosmith Music

February 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Aerosmith – America’s answer to Status Quo – have plodded around like a sick bull for the best part of 320 years on the rock ‘n’ roll circuit. With a mixture of stadium sized choruses, a front man who looks like a melted waxwork of a combination of WWE wrestlers and the regular soap opera of their substance abuses, they’ve somehow managed to not go away and die under a hedge.

Steven Tyler has managed to keep his toe in the celebrity pondscum by, lately, having a very open and ugly feud with his band mates, declaring himself to be “the whole rainbow”, whatever the shit that means.

And, now, he’s still hanging around like a rubber gargoyle filled with sleeping tablets and meths, sat behind a desk as one of American Idol’s judges. It’s the latter which he’d like to apologise for.

Pete Wentz Is Back! Wait… Who?

January 27th, 2011 By Kris Silver

The organisers of Hard Rock Calling, that sort of festival like thing that happens in Hyde Park every summer that isn't the O2 Wireless festival, have decided that former Fall Out Boy bassist and pioneer of the musical equivalent of object d?, Pete Wentz, is a suitable choice for a battle of the bands judge.

Right? RIGHT?

If you're lucky enough to have forgotten the mid noughties, here?s a crash course in all things Pete Wentz:

Oh Hooray, Aerosmith Love Each Other Again

February 26th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Do you like watching billion-year-old transvestites stagger around to hopeless Rolling Stones rip-offs?

You do? Well, your options have been limited lately. After Aerosmith disbanded in an orgy of chaos last year, your only two options were either to pay a bunch of billion-year-old transvestites to stagger around to hopeless Rolling Stones rip-offs or just to just buy a Rolling Stones concert ticket.

But fear not! Aerosmith have now reunited with Steven Tyler, and they plan to tour Europe this summer. They even made a video to announce it and everything. And if you don’t like Aerosmith, it doesn’t matter – the video also doubles as a sort of condensed Pirates Of The Caribbean movie where Johnny Depp dies and the undertaker decides to keep his body in a warm room for a decade and then dress his remains up in an absurd ladyboy outfit for a bit of a laugh.

Steven Tyler Goes Back To Rehab, For Some Reason

December 23rd, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Weird. Looks like Steven Tyler – who recently left Aerosmith, rejoined Aerosmith and got fired by Aerosmith – is on drugs.

We didn’t see that coming at all. Steven Tyler doesn’t have a history of drug use, and it’s not like his recent behaviour has been legitimately potty or anything. But despite this, Tyler has decided to go to rehab to wean himself off the painkillers that he’s been addicted to for a decade.

Now, obviously, it’s important to state that the painkiller addiction may have nothing to do with Steven Tyler’s erratic behaviour lately. At this stage, in the interest of fairness, we have to assume that Steven Tyler is always this much of a clueless prick.

Aerosmith Split: Steven Tyler Hangs Up On His Wrinkly Friends

November 10th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

This Aerosmith split is ugly, and not just because everyone involved in it looks like a voodoo doll made from medical waste.

No, it’s the bitterness that’s ugly. Steven Tyler has only been out of Aerosmith for a few days, and the rest of the band are already lining up to badmouth him as much as possible. Just yesterday Joe Perry complained to a radio station that Steven Tyler had recently hung up on him midway through a phonecall.

And that’s just the start. We also heard that Steven Tyler always steals the Coco Pops whenever the band buys a Kellogg’s Variety Pack, thinks that Joe Perry’s mum is a slag and once drew a cock and balls on the back of Brad Whitford‘s bomber jacket in Tipp-Ex. The man is evil.