Yes, you read that correctly - at the Super Bowl, the New York Giants will be replaced with Michael Jackson, who'll face off against the New England Patriots with just a monkey in a helmet for help.

No, we're just kidding. In fact Michael Jackson will be doing what he does third-best for Sunday's Super Bowl - music. But Michael Jackson won't be performing during the Super Bowl halftime show, probably because a gaunt middle-aged man muttering three lines of Stranger In Moscow before wandering off doesn't cut it as entertainment any more.

Instead, Michael Jackson will be on an advert broadcast during the Super Bowl halftime show. Actually, that's not true either - some of Thriller will be played on an advert broadcast during the Super Bowl halftime show.

Not much of a story, this, is it?

No, not a Morrisons advert - Alan Hansen and Lulu are already doing a bang-up job of starring in those bloody things themselves - a Morrissey advert.

As you probably know, Morrissey has a Greatest Hits collection coming out soon - even though two thirds of the songs on it are from his last two pretty ropey albums - and he needs your help with adverts for it.

Everyone reading this has a chance to be in the new Morrissey adverts, provided they love Morrissey enough to have previously mutilated their body out of chronically misplaced devotion to the man. He's an email we got telling how you people can get involved:

They say that teaching is a noble profession, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

Face it - spending your days trapped in a room with 30 hormonal bell-ends who vocally despise you isn't anyone's idea of fun. But you wouldn't know that from watching the government's current TV advert to try and encourage people to become