Posts tagged as:

Advert

Hecklerspray On Dating

by Mof Gimmers

Who goes on dates? What’s the point of them at all? Dates are just willingly putting yourself before a one-person jury, being prodded and poked at while you pull at your collar, sweat profusely and babble on inanely with your cripplingly awful anecdotes. The fact is, if someone agrees to see you again after the [...]

3 comments Read more >>>

Badvertising: Are The Haribo Family Worse Than The Mansons? [Video]

by Michael Park

Every so often the world unites behind a cause which transcends nationality, colour, creed or sexuality. These causes can be anything from the protection of human rights to people coming together in search of justice (not a lynch mob, that’s not the same thing at all). Of course, these things don’t always mean much. For [...]

4 comments Read more >>>

Badvertising: Do You Even Understand The Concept Of Experimentation?

by Michael Park

We can categorically guarantee without a shadow of a doubt that our readers know exactly what an experiment is. Some of you will have studied science in school and will have been involved in the dissemination of liquid from beaker to conical flask; some of you might even be scientists. If you are then can [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Simon Cowell Wants To Reanimate His Own Corpse

by Mof Gimmers

Should you be unlucky enough to live for the next 300 years, aside from the agony of reanimation, the clawing sense of disenfranchisement with our new ape leaders and, of course, the horrible realisation that you are a disappointment regardless of the time you live in, you might be on the end of a withering [...]

2 comments Read more >>>

Badvertising: Get Your Bits Out For The Lads!

by Michael Park

Here at hecklerspray we love to get involved in the great big sexism debate that rears its head every time Editor Mof slaps one of the female writers on the arse and tells them that they’re doing a great job “for a bird”. After that, the ensuing three day wildcat strike by our female staff [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Badvertising: Let’s Talk About Genitals

by Michael Park

Here in the hecklerspray bedsit, we’re often told off for using inappropriate words to describe the girls’ genitalia. In fact, there was a time that Matthew Laidlow had to spend three weeks hooked up to a catheter after asking Joanna Bolouri if he could cop a feel of her “pouch”. After that, Editor Mof came up [...]

2 comments Read more >>>

Badvertising: Blackburn Rovers Survive Earthquake & Celebrate With Chicken

by Michael Park

This week’s Badvertising was half-written until something dropped through our mould-covered letterbox that was so awful, it couldn’t be left alone for a week. We subsequently scrunched up the previous Badvertising and set it alight, after all this incumbent piece was so sickening to watch that we felt as though we’d been eating another of [...]

2 comments Read more >>>

Hecklerspray On: Language

by Mof Gimmers

Language. What a stupid thing for humans to design. Sure, it can be beautiful and breathtakingly powerful… but let us be honest here: for the most part, it feels misused, redundant, stupid and utterly misunderstood. Take one look at absolutely any social networking site and you’ll see that people just don’t give two hoots about [...]

3 comments Read more >>>

Badvertising: Let’s Raise Age Awareness By Humiliating The Elderly

by Michael Park

It’s not easy to be nasty professionally. For a start, people automatically assume that you have no heart and that if you do, it’s a blackened, flaking husk that makes people unable to spend time in the same room as you. Admittedly for the most part, that’s true. Sometimes, you also have to poke fun [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Hecklerspray On Gyms

by Mof Gimmers

People who exercise are sickening. People who have gym memberships should be flogged in public. We’d do it but we’d get a thousand stitches trying to catch them and, when we finally did, we’d be too tired to raise our hand to successfully thrash them. Good thing some lazy oaf invented guns. Exercisers spend so [...]

4 comments Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →