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Badvertising: Out Of Work Actors 4 U

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

There’s nothing worse than having to sit down and read loads of words. Especially if you’ve broken your leg or had your eyes ripped out by a sexually aggressive crow. That’s why we like to help you out by making some videos for you every now and then.

It doesn’t mean they’re good- as you can see Dep Ed Michael & ‘Spray scribe Euan?have very, very shaky hands. That doesn’t matter though because, for your viewing pleasure, they’ve had a think about what Lawyers do when they’re not out chasing ambulances.

Matthew Broderick’s Greatest Moment in 20 Years? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?

January 31st, 2012 By Si Sharp

Matthew Broderick is a man with a surprisingly unremarkable film career.

We don’t mean he doesn’t make money- we’re sure he’s super-successful if judged by wealth. However, before you continue reading, grab a pad of paper and a pen. If, like us, you get hand-cramp from even writing your own name, then just open up a word document instead.

Now make a list of all the Matthew Broderick films of which you can remember. Done that? Now cross out all the ones that weren’t artistic travesties. Come on, be honest with yourselves. By the way if you didn’t cross out Godzilla it’s probably best if you cease this exercie immediately.

Badvertising: BT Infinity Teaches Us About Fate

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Pre-determination is something that the same fools who believe in superstition go in for in a big way. You might recognise it as fate or the ‘thundering approach to emotional and financial oblivion’. If you believe in fate then you probably married the first person who ever gave you an orgasm and are now woefully unhappy, only able to console yourself by watching romantic comedies.

Even as you do so, you realise everything seems to work out well for the shining-faced Hollywood elite. That is despite their belief and reliance on exactly the same concept which has led you to a life of raised voices and thinly veiled hatred.?Fate worked out okay for them, didn’t it? Why not you?

Anyway, enough about your bitter, twisted existence.

Have The FCU Discovered That T-Pain Sleeps In A Coffin?!

January 12th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Unsettling news has reached hecklerspray! No, seriously. This is weird. Apparently, T-Pain sleeps in a coffin! A velvet-lined coffin no less! We’re terrified! We’ll never say anything nasty about lovely T-Pain again.

He’ll probably cause us a world of T-Pain. That’s the worst kind of pain there is. Much worse than B-Pain or P-Pain.

And we have the FCU to thank for this discovery as they uncover the strange world of one of hip-pop’s most famous. Not only that, we meet T-Pain’s twin! Yes. It gets creepier by the second! AAARGH!

Hecklerspray On… Pets

December 28th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

What kind of monster empathises with animals? Is it because they’ve got the same colour blood as us? In fact, there’s people out there who have more sympathy for animals than they do people from different cultures.

Humans are stupid and this is proven by the need for them to have animals as pets.

Think about it. There’s people in this awful world that like nothing more than staring at silent fish in a tank. There’s people out there who like to dress their dogs up like little humans. There’s even people who think that cats are anything other than selfish, greedy snobs who only cohabit with humans to get an easy feed.

Badvertising Christmas Special Part IV: It’s Not Christmas Without A Coke

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

By now the haze of Christmas parties is bound to have worn off and you’ll be sitting there with nothing to show from the festive period but a photocopy of your genitals and an unplanned pregnancy; you’re probably looking back on the month or so preceding this and thinking, “Where did it all go wrong?”

That’s simple. You’re one of these people who gets so excited about the concept of Christmas that you vomit all over your facebook with excitement the first time you see that terrible Coca Cola advert.

SO YOU’VE PROBABLY ALREADY GUESSED THAT I’M GOING TO RUB IT IN YOUR FACE WHILE YOU RUB YOURSELF AND WONDER IF YOU MIGHT HAVE CRABS.

Diddy & Co Takeover Vegas Like They’re The Rat Pack

December 22nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

This Christmas, you may be pushing the boat out and spoiling yourself something rotten. You may have bought a load of cheeses that you wouldn’t normally buy. You may have got three bottles of drink in an attempt to make cocktails. It is the only time of year you ever buy p?t?.

Feels good doesn’t it?

Well, Sean Diddy Combes lives like that all the time. He can have p?t? whenever he wants. He’s so wealthy that he could mash-up Frosties in p?t? just to see what it’s like. And, because he can, he’s decided to start a new Rat Pack and takeover of Vegas. And there’s a film to accompany it.

Having A Christmas Party? Absolut Will Sort Your Invites!

December 13th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

So, Christmas is upon us. It’s a time of goodwill, presents, stuffing your face and, if you’re us, a constant reminder of how absolutely no-one ever wants to spend any time at all with us. No. We’re not getting used to it.

However, you might be loved by so-called ‘people’.

In that case, chances are you’ll be having some kind of soiree and you’ll be putting out the nibbles, sporting your best clobber, feverishly tidying the house so people think you don’t normally live in a cesspit and pouring drinks while burping up witticisms stolen from other parties you went to that made you jealous. You’ll be needing to invite people, right? Let us help.

Top 10 Songs For Getting You In The Christmas Spirit

December 8th, 2011 By hecklerspray staff

Christmas is-a-coming, and the geese are getting fat. Handy really as they’ll probably be eaten soon along with turkeys, vegetables, pudding and of course, lots of mulled wine and the like.

As much as it pains us, we really like Christmas. It’s all about eating, drinking and allowing us the opportunity to crack a smile once a year. Of course, we’ll be sulking after watching an hour of Christmas television, but the idea of Christmas is overwhelmingly brilliant for a period.

And we’re not the only ones getting in the Yuletide spirit! And what better way to get you in the mood than Christmas music which, despite what the shops blurt out, ain’t all bad at all!

Cool Short Films From Sailor Jerry: Hold Fast!

December 7th, 2011 By hecklerspray staff

We all dream of doing something cool for a living, right? Becoming a bass-player in a hot band or making ice-sculptures for obscenely wealthy investor balls. Well, some people actually have the nerve to go and do it.

We’re not jealous at all. Nope.

Okay. We’re hugely envious of these people. However, listening to them speak can be rather inspiring, mainly because the cynic in you thinks ‘Hey! Look at this bozo! I could do his job!‘ Well, Sailor Jerry have made a buncha short films looking at people who have enviously great jobs but aren’t idiots with it.