Adnan Ghalib - HecklerSpray

Adnan Ghalib Gets Banned From Britney Spears Forever

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Adnan Ghalib was famous for being the only man alive who could make Kevin Federline seem sort of decent.

The past tense was correct, by the way. An LA judge has just granted Britney Spears and her family a longterm restraining order from Britney’s ex-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib – leading to fears that, without Britney Spears to piggyback around on, Adnan will fold up neatly, slot into his disgusting beard-slug and crawl away never to be heard of again.

So Adnan Ghalib, it was nice knowing you. Even though we didn’t actually know you. And it was the scientific opposite of nice.

Britney’s Ex Adnan Ghalib In ‘Possibly Not Very Nice Man’ Shock

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It takes a special type of man to make people think that, in retrospect, Kevin Federline probably wasn’t so bad.

And Adnan Ghalib is certainly special. You may remember Adnan Ghalib as the awful man who a) romanced Britney Spears at her absolute lowest ebb and b) had a beard that looked like he’d been gargling with animal poo and forgot to wipe his chin afterwards. Well guess what? Adnan Ghalib’s back.

Obviously when we say ‘back’ we mean ‘charged with assault after allegedly running a man over on purpose and breaking his wrist’. You lost a good one there, Britney.

Britney Spears Still Phoning Old Pals Despite Ban

March 24th, 2009 By hecklerspray staff

A guest blog by the wonderful Amy Grindhouse…

Britney Spears is in trouble with her daddy again. Which one would think is unimaginably hard to do since at this moment in time all Britney is free to do of her own accord is poop and jiggle her rump on stage.

Dungeon Master Spears is having to waste away more precious moments of his life that he?ll never get back on reprimanding his daughter.

This time Britney has broken one of the many restrictions placed on her by reaching out to two people with whom she is not supposed to have any contact; Sam Lutfi and Adnan Ghalib.

Britney Spears Wants To Buy The Britney Spears Sex Tape

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

As you may know, there’s a Britney Spears sex tape – we’d have mentioned it earlier but, you know, we’ve just eaten and we like not being blind.

Don’t get too excited, though – the existence of the Britney Spears sex tape was allegedly confirmed by Adnan Ghalib, Britney’s paparazzo ex-boyfriend. So, on the basis that at least 50% of the tape features a creepy dimwit with a funny accent and the world’s worst beard, it’s safe to say that nobody will ever ever form an erection while watching the Britney Spears sex tape.

Or will they? It’s been reported that Britney Spears is keen to pay whatever it takes to buy the master copy of this apparent Britney Spears sex tape from Adnan Ghalib. And you know what that means? It means that if Britney Spears is prepared to pay millions of dollars for a video of a mentally ill woman in a pink wig having squalid intercourse with one of the world’s least likable men, it must be sexy! Where can we get a copy?

Britney Spears Possibly Does the Stupidest Thing She Could Ever Do

March 24th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer: it's a decent way of looking at things. But not so decent when your enemy is a paparazzo, who deals entirely on getting pictures of you in compromising positions, exchanging your dignity for cold, hard cash.

Damn – someone should have told Britney Spears this before she started her relationship with British photo-jockey Adnan Ghalib. See, keeping one's enemies closer does work in many situations, but when your enemy's sole purpose in life is to get as close to you as they legally can, you should probably opt for 'running away quite fast and keeping your enemy at a few arms' length'.

Alas, our poor, maybe quite mental Britney wasn't warned, and now she's supposedly trying to stop another wonderful celebrity sex tape from being released to the baying public. If only people would help to look after the girl.

Just How Married Is Britney Spears, Exactly?

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Now that Britney Spears is under the protective care of her parents again, hints about just how ill she was pre-hospitalisation have started to creep out.

And it's worse than it ever seemed – forget the string of public meltdowns, there's a chance that Britney Spears secretly got married to her paparazzo boyfriend Adnan Ghalib last month.

Of course, nobody knows the truth and the marriage is void anyway because Adnan's already married, but getting married to Adnan Ghalib? Britney's lucky she only got sectioned after that – we'd have held her down and lobotomised her there and then if we'd have caught wind of it.

Britney Spears Back With That Chap She Just Dumped

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Britney Spears will soon undergo a court-enforced psychiatric test – officially it's to do with her kids, but we have a feeling it's because Britney's back with Adnan Ghalib again.

You know, Adnan Ghalib – the photographer who Britney Spears dumped a couple of days ago. The one who Britney Spears apparently took a restraining order out on. The one who tried to sell naked photos of Britney Spears to a newspaper. The one who just did a tell-all interview on TV about his time with Britney.

So, yes, Adnan Ghalib is back with Britney Spears. But at least he's finally got round to splitting up with his wife this time.

Britney Spears Splits Up With That Paparazzi Bloke

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Britney Spears has broken up with her British paparazzo boyfriend Adnan Ghalib – possibly because she's just worked out that he's a paparazzo.

According to reports, Britney Spears split up with Adnan Ghalib after angrily accusing him of only being with her to boost his career. Ludicrous, we know – we all knew about Adnan Ghalib for months before this Britney Spears malarkey because, um, no wait, sorry, we were thinking of Abu Ghraib. Crossed wires. Sorry.

Anyway, let's feel sorry for Britney Spears – we really thought that this time she'd found everlasting love with that creepy guy who makes his living by stalking Britney Spears with a camera.