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When you’re in trouble, don’t call Batman, call Billy Crystal. Especially if you’re in need of a host of the Oscars. In fact, specifically if you’re in need of a last minute host for any awards ceremony.
That’s because Billy Crystal is pretty much unable to do anything other than be a vaguely charming awards presenter these days.
So good thing Eddie Murphy quit the job after some gay slurs made everyone quit the gig, right?
Have you seen how outrageously great Eddie Murphy was back in his SNL days? Think about those fantastic films he made way back when! Beverley Hills Cop(s), Trading Places, Coming To America, 48hrs… not to mention stand-up films like Raw.
He was untouchable for a while. And then he went rubbish. Really, really dreadful.
In fact, it all started going wrong in the ’90s with dreck like The Nutty Professor, Shrek, Dr Dolittle and anything that enabled him to play all the characters at once. So what went wrong? It seems he stopped drinking, that’s what.
The Oscars are great aren’t they? Tara Reid likened them to spending a few weeks in the Big Brother house… it really doesn’t get any better than that does it? And now, Eddie Murphy appears to have signed up for the show.
Now, you may be thinking that Eddie’s not done much since (allegedly) groping a drag queen’s bulge and successfully having sex with Mel B with no condom on, but you’d be wrong.
See, as Mel B found out when she had group sex with Murphy (Eddie playing the other six participants, including the token amusing overweight elderly lady), the Beverley Hills Cop has a plan to host and win all the Oscars in 2012.
We’ve had our run-ins with Muse fans on countless occasions in the past. We were all set to apologise to them this morning… then we found out that Muse are just desperately unlucky with the fans they attract. Every single one of them are absolutely mental.
And the tenuous proof? Well, one of Muse’s biggest fans is Glenn Beck. That means, if you like Muse, you’re a right-wing nutjob.
So Muse fans, feel free to confess that you agree with Beck by saying that you’re “thinking about killing Michael Moore” or that you believe Barack Obama is “a racist” and has a “deep-seated hatred for white people”.
Award ceremonies always guarantee a couple of moments that are repeated at every single show. Hilariously, there’s always the point when losing nominees have to graciously smile and clap, despite wanting to publically declare that the winner is nothing but muck on their shoe. Then when excessive alcohol bingeing kicks in, someone will make a slurred git of themselves.
Music ceremonies also signal the weird collaborations of two artists who normally wouldn’t dream of working together. Think of it in the same way as when making a sandwich. The humble BLT is a safe and classic option. Slipping in something different to improve it probably wouldn’t work, such as barbed wire or a bar of chocolate.
What we’re saying is that musical collaborations can usually be hailed as a spark of genius, or an utter mess. Rumours are circulating that Muse and Lady Gaga plan to combine forces. Uh-oh.
For anyone who doesn’t already know – perhaps you’re too cool, too busy, or too strung out to really care – it’s the 419th Academy Awards this weekend.
Yeah, we’re pretty excited.
All the stars will be on the red carpet, with their dresses and their lovely suits, and once inside that swishy auditorium, it’ll be present-giving-out time. That’s our favourite bit.
Hence, in the spirit of whipping everyone up into a seal-clapping frenzy, we thought we’d make a few predictions. Read More >>>
