Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Poor famous people. They get plebs saying nasty things to them, which is of course, completely different to the lives of us normal troglodytes who spend an eternity being thoroughly pleasant to each other, without cross words ever uttered.
One such sad case is Kylie who has had to call the police because someone wrote some nasty words on twitter.
No, honestly.
Eighties child-star Corey Feldman has revealed his plans to release a tell-all book naming and shaming two Hollywood pervs.
The-famous-Corey-that-isn't-dead made similar allegations last August that he was targeted by predatory men from age 14. However, rather than take these claims to the police, he seems to have walked passed the station, right to a publisher.
This is Hollywood after all.
People have all sorts of warped ideas about what constitutes ?sexy.? Simply type a few random words into Google alongside the word ?porn? and you're quite likely to find a result. Is anyone up for some hot and steamy ?Pesticide Snorkelling Orgy? action? Anyone? Okay…
Even we know that sordid fantasies are usually kept locked away in peoples’ sick imaginations. In reality, the common person needs something realistic to go weak at the knees over. For the majority of men, the briefest flash of a female boob will send their shrivelled members into arousal overdrive.
However, girls look for more than a gawp at the genitals of someone they fancy. Females from the comical Team Breezy gang seem slobber instantly when Chris Brown?s name is mentioned. Perhaps they all have a fetish for a domestic abuser. According to fellow rapper Fat Joe, Team Breezy couldn't get enough of his fists at a recent video shoot.
Imagine being Courtney Love for a second. Imagine, if you can, what it must be like to be that mental. Try and picture the look on people’s faces are you haul your bizarre face around the streets of the world. Just think, how brilliant it must be to be so deluded that you carry all this off thinking you’re brilliant!
All this, despite the fact you’ve never made a decent record in your life, got your child taken off you for being an outrageous smack-head, fallen out with your deceased husband’s friends (who you were accused of killing in a film) and now, being ignored by your own daughter.
AND NOW SHE MIGHT BE HOMELESS! That’s right, our Courtney – as we previously reported – was involved in a fire at her New York City apartment. Trouble is now knocking on her charred door.
Courtney Love’s mother-in-law doesn’t have a front door. She has black mold. Her sister-in-law is homeless. Meanwhile, Dave Grohl bought an Aston Martin last week. It’s an awful state of affairs isn’t it?
Of course, some of you may be wondering where this has come from. Well, these ‘facts’ have come from the oddly shaped mouth of Courtney herself who wants to point out what a dreadful rotter Dave Grohl is and how hard done to Courtney’s family are.
One question: Why doesn’t Courtney Love who, by her own admission earns ‘tons of money’, buy her mother-in-law a front door and put her sister up in one of her large houses? Either way, there’s some videos over the jump which show Courtney and her Hole fans enjoying some nice homophobia.
Hello dipsticks. We haven’t done a readers’ letters for a while have we? To be honest, we’ve been busy. Busy lording it up at an award ceremony and, prior to that, begging you for votes and rigging the process so that we definitely won.
Also, we’ve been very wounded by those slating the video. We take all your insults personally and it’s very hard of us… *bites fist and fights tears*… sorry… it’s just… we try our best y’know?
Okay. We don’t. We’re lazy. Very lazy. And unprofessional. And liars. Either way, we’ve waddled back to the foetid sack of letters and correspondence and, Christ, you lot are still as barking as ever. Shall we have a look together? You’ll find some white-supremacy and bad spelling!
If you’re a Nirvana fan, chances are you’re so young it’s actually sickening. You were barely alive when he redecorated his garage with his brains and therefore, you’ve martyred him to the point he can do no wrong.
You’ve probably got into Riot Grrrl too, despite the fact it was a scene that lasted all of about 30 seconds and was filled with some gaspingly average rock bands. WITH A MANDATE THOUGH.
And so, because you’ll never get close to a scene that has long died, you’ve invariably harboured some stupid fantasy about getting with Frances Bean Cobain. Courtney Love looks like too much work and it isn’t exactly cool hipster points to like Dave Grohl because he’s enjoying being a stadium rock star. Sadly for you jerks, you’ll never get to have sex with Frances Bean, thanks to some rumours that are floating around.
Courtney Love is loving the fact that it’s 20 years since Nevermind got released. Why? It reminds her of the time when she could score bad drugs without worrying about cash and, of course, she gets to play victim over her husband’s unseemly suicide all over again.
And to celebrate the pain, Courtney has given a big ol’ interview with Vanity Fair, which is just great.
Of course, she talks about her relationship with Kurt Cobain (what about the other guys? Dave Grohl ain’t exactly a fan is he?) and all that junk… but more importantly, she talks about the fact that her relationship with her very much alive daughter – Frances Bean – isn’t exactly great. Wonder why?
In a week where people decided it was time to overthrow an oppressive regime, the hecklerspray bedsit has been full of rumours that Editor Mof’s reign of terror might finally be coming to an end.
That was before we were all lashed to our typewriters and forced to hammer out words about Alfonso Ribeiro’s career and Kim Kardashian’s vagina. All in a week’s work.
Still, the time has come for us to dig our hands deep into the vomit-soaked correspondence satchel and find the best and worst of our readers’ views.
Every week, the hecklerspray postbag overflows with the kind of putrid bile usually reserved for the Right Wing media telling people of different creeds, colours or sexual orientation how everything they’ve ever done or thought is filth which should be banned and then burned on a pyre while the ranks of middle England’s disaffected gentry dance around in sports jackets, caterwauling into the sky.
Of course, usually we love that kind of thing. All of you people coming over and telling us that we’re poor excuses for both “journalists” and “human beings” really gets us off.
That is to say, it really gets the editorial staff off and once they’ve reassured the writers enough that they stop crying floods of crocodile tears, they have a little fumble with themselves over people calling them “scum” and “Scrappy Doo”.
