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Abortion

Selena Gomez Sensibly Won’t Ever Be Getting Married To The Monstrous Justin Bieber

by Mof Gimmers

Selena Gomez may be stupid enough to stay with Justin Bieber (who seems more than happy to have her be on the receiving end of a load of death threats and, rumour has it, likes cheating on her too), but she’s certainly not daft enough to marry him. See, Gomez obviously wants to listen to [...]

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Justin Bieber To Take A Month Off Which Is Great News For Humankind

by Mof Gimmers

Infant prancer, Justin Bieber, is to take a month off work, meaning that, by the time August is up, he will have taken half of his life off as a holiday, which is quite astonishing and welcome news to anyone who is in possession of at least one crude hearing receptacle on their head. In [...]

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Justin Bieber Hates Selena Gomez And Won’t Be Going To Her Birthday Party

by Mof Gimmers

A girl’s 19th birthday is the most important day of her life isn’t it? It’s the day womenfolk shed that pesky third nipple, lose that feathery down and finally are allowed to start buying adult shoes. It’s a momentous day. And so, with it being a day of such huge importance, all friends and family [...]

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Bieber Says Kanye Isn’t An A-Hole, Which Means That He Probably Is

by Mof Gimmers

Think of Kanye West and you’ll think “Gah! What an unbearable weapon he is!” That’s regardless of whether or not you like his music (in fairness, his last LP was great). However, there are Kanye apologists in the world… one of them distinctly Justin Bieber shaped. Despite the fact Kanye compared himself to Jesus and [...]

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Justin Bieber Goes Camping To Surpress Crippling Loneliness And Get Eaten By Bears

by Mof Gimmers

What do you do when you’re feeling lonely? If you’ve got a partner away on business, the easiest thing to do is go camping and shit in a hedge. Right? We say that because this is precisely what Justin Bieber has decided to do while Selena Gomez is away with work. The foetal singing sensation [...]

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Selena Gomez Doesn’t Care What You Idiot Bieber Fans Think! Do Your Worst If You Like!

by Mof Gimmers

Ever since Selena Gomez started getting her training bra felt up by pop-infant, Justin Bieber, she’s been ridden roughshod by the absolutely terrifying and insane Beliebers who took it upon themselves to send her blood-curdling death threats. Some threatened to ‘cut her a Chelsea Smile’, with others saying they were going to sneak into her [...]

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Monstrous Justin Bieber Flirts With Nicki Minaj Which Will Thrill Selena Gomez No End

by Mof Gimmers

Nicki Minaj is an attractive woman. She’s like a cartoon with a great rack. Sadly, her music isn’t nearly as brilliantly odd as her image. We wanted a female Outkast and got the rap Cyndi Lauper. Shame. Anyway, we’re pretty sure that Nicki Minaj is bisexual, meaning that she’s lucky enough to take her pick [...]

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Selena Gomez In Burger Murder Plot

by Mof Gimmers

As well you know, our generation narrowly missed ‘a JFK moment’ as Selena Gomez was RUSHED into hospital with a HEADACHE and a UPSET TUMSY WUMSY. Basically, she could’ve died and all you lot could do was laugh because you’re heartless swine. So what was the cause of this massive terminal ailment which nearly saw [...]

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Selena Gomez Was ‘Malnourished And Exhausted’ In A Wickle Cutesy Wutesy Way

by Mof Gimmers

Selena Gomez has been all poorly-woorly in hospital after being subjected to death-threats for Beliebers for months, as well as working her tiny little fingers to the bone in what is ostensibly one half of the most famous child-labour ring on Earth. Of course, the newspapers love Selena. They like showing pictures of her in [...]

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Selena Gomez Is Rushed To A Children’s Ward With A Poorly Tum Tum And Infant Headaches

by Mof Gimmers

With Demi Lovato being heaped with universal sympathy and attention after self-harming her way to the doctors, Selena Gomez has clearly thought she’d get in on the whole hospital action. She’s either a fan of the smell of disinfectant or she has to come up with inventive way of getting a break from Justin Bieber [...]

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