Noel Gallagher from Oasis is currently under police protection after a crazed fan burst in on the band during recording sessions at - wait a minute, Oasis still have fans?

Weird. Anyway, where were we? Oh yes - as Oasis were recording their new album at Abbey Road studios, a crazed stalker type apparently tried burst in on them, spooking them so much that they've hired a team of policemen to guard the studio for the time being. Not much is known about the identity of Oasis' new stalker, although he reportedly accused Noel Gallagher of ripping off all his music and lyrics for the new Oasis album during the encounter.

With that in mind, police are seeking to question Paul McCartney, John Lennon, any of Slade or a time-travelling version of Noel Gallagher from 13 years ago.