ABBA have done alright for themselves haven’t they? They have managed to sell shedloads of records AND not one of them has died yet. This means that roughly every 6 seconds, somewhere in the world there will be a rumour that they are getting back together.
In fairness, they have probably done a load of private gigs for oil barons and wealthy sultans or something.
And our British equivalent is the Royal Family who sit atop their vast piles of gold and toilet tissue made from swan legs, able to wave their hands in a funny manner and command all kinds of sycophantic bollocks from the minions and plebs that hang on every gentle, rippling fart that they perform. And now, ABBA and The Royals are colliding in people’s minds.
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Denmark should be the happiest place on earth, stocked as it is with Carlsberg and bacon. It isn’t. This rather chilly disappointment of a country, famous for being north of Germany and south of Sweden apparently fosters a dark maelstrom of political turmoil and mad racists. And ABBA are pissed off.
While we struggle to decide which we would rather spend an afternoon exposed to – Ebola fever or ABBA – let us explain.
The third largest party in the Danish political landscape is called the Danish People’s Party. Sounds like a fun, nationwide knees up with cake and jelly. It isn’t. Read More >>>
ABBA hate each other don’t they? They all swapped fluids and such and ended up seething eyeball to eyeball, bowing out of the spotlight in the lamest way possible – limping out with a live performance on The Late, Late Breakfast Show.
Björn Ulvaeus said that the group would never appear on stage again because “there is simply no motivation to re-group. Money is not a factor and we would like people to remember us as we were. Young, exuberant, full of energy and ambition. I remember Robert Plant saying Led Zeppelin were a cover band now because they cover all their own stuff. I think that hit the nail on the head.”
They’ve previously turned down an envelope with £600 million in it to tour and… well… Benny Andersson and Ulvaeus have now started musing on it all again, presumable to attract interest in a new project or ABBA box-set or something.
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The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame is, as everyone knows, a hallowed place reserved only for those who rock the hardest.
You know, like Abba. And Genesis. Those cats are responsible for more melted speakers and blown minds than you could ever hope to count. Why, remember the time when Phil Collins bit the head off a Yorkshire terrier during the second chorus of I Can’t Dance onstage that time? Or when the beardy one out of Abba broke away from the middle eight of Dancing Queen to carve the word ‘HATE’ into his bare chest with a broken jam jar?
That’s why both Genesis and Abba will be inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame next year. And that’s why KISS won’t be, the cat-faced bellends.
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Great news guys, Sweden's most famous export will soon have a museum in its honour.
No, there's not going to be an unusually-expensive beer museum, but an Abba one which will be opening in Stockholm in the near future. That's not because there is absolutely nothing else to do in Stockholm, but you have to admit that attracting middle-aged women and gay men in droves is a clever ploy to boost the tourist industry.
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