A-Rod D-nates C-ash T-o M-dona C-rity. Madonna, That is. Not Maradona. What's the last thing you want to do when you're publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while at the same time dealing with a particularly expensive divorce? If you said 'the last thing you would want to do when you're publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while at the same time dealing with a particularly expensive divorce would be to donate $500,000 to said high-profile person's charity' then you would be correct. You would also have used an overly wordy response. But you would be right, and we won't take that away from you. It would seem that this was yet another lesson in the world of today that Alex 'A-Rod' Rodriguez was never taught, seeing as he's only ruddy well gone and agreed to donate half a million dollars to Madonna's charity, Raising Malawi, while he's both rumoured to be more than friends with Madge and is part way through E-vorcing his wife. Which is costing him a lot of money. He could at least have waited a bit, the big, silly, baseball man.

A-Rod’s E-Vorce From C-Rod Progressing in a Dull Fashion Divorce is never a fun thing - a lot of us have experienced it either first hand or through parents. So it's a good thing that celebrity divorces are full of such fun and delights to keep us all entertained, helping us forget that the whole experience can be physically and mentally exhausting, as well as devastating on an emotional level. Thank Thor then, as it would seem that A-Rod's divorce is something of a trailblazer when it comes to this new breed of entertaining divorces, or e-vorces, as we're not really going to call them. And for once it's not all down to the involvement of Madonna.

Madonna Becomes Sci-Fi Villain, Employs Mind Control

It's always the bloody same with women - they look at you, talk to you and move in certain ways, and before you know it you're under their spell. In a figurative way, of course. And actually, come to think of it, we can't remember the last time a girl even looked at us, never mind talked to or moved in certain ways at us. We digress...

But Madonna isn't happy with just getting a man under her proverbial spell, oh no - she is literally controlling the mind of Alex Rodriguez, the man she is allegedly getting it on with. Well, according to Rodriguez's estranged wife, Cynthia, that's what Madge is doing. Wait - what?

Is Madonna Whacking A-Rod’s Balls Out Of The Park?

Now that it's semi-official that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are on the verge of a divorce, it's time to find out why - and apparently 'because he's Guy Ritchie' isn't a valid answer.

One theory that's currently doing the rounds is that Madonna has been getting closer and closer to New York Yankees baseball star Alex Rodriguez. So close, in fact, that Rodriguez apparently made a secret late-night visit to Madonna's apartment almost immediately after his wife gave birth to their second child.

If these reports are true, then it looks like Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage is done for. Still, it's not all bad. True, Guy Ritchie will be losing the love of his life and the mother of his son forever, but at least he won't have a veiny middle-aged woman hanging around all the time yattering away in the world's least convincing British accent with her vagina hanging out. Swings and roundabouts, really.