Now, ask any man who lives in the past to name two actresses that he'd like to see have a bit of a wrestle in a mud-filled paddling pool and, after some heavy prompting, there's a chance he might say Julia Roberts and Angelina Jolie.

That wouldn't happen now, though – nobody in their right mind would want to see the scrawny adopting lady and the middle-aged woman with the horse's mouth do anything even vaguely erotic – but it isn't stopping Julia Roberts from getting all bitchy about Angelina Jolie. According to reports, Julia Roberts hates Angelina Jolie and says she could have easily done a better job at A Mighty Heart than Angelina – something that we'd be inclined to agree with. After all, Angelina Jolie really didn't explore the goofy, fun-loving, spontaneously-laughing-out-loud side of Marianne Pearl when she went on the harrowing journey through Pakistan to track down her dead husband as well as we'd have liked.

Actors aren't usually known for their bitchiness. For example, just look at the Oscars – a giant smug circle-jerk where overpaid puppets get to congratulate themselves on educating the world on important issues just because they made a film about a man who goes on holiday to Africa once. 

However, it seems as if Julia Roberts is the antidote to that, because she bloody well hates the arse off Angelina Jolie. Star magazine is reporting that Julia Roberts was recently watching A Mighty Heart with some friends, when she viciously laid into Angelina Jolie's performance with a foul-mouthed tirade so vile that three of her guests actually vomited and another one fainted like at the start of Quincy. What did Julia Roberts supposedly say about Angelina Jolie? Why, this:

"I would rarely way this, but I think I could have done a better job with this film."

Ouch! Take that Angelina Jolie! Julia Roberts thinks she would have done a better job of blacking her face up and adopting a distracting French accent in that miserable film you made that nobody even watched. How will Angelina Jolie react to such strong fighting talk? By saying that Julia Roberts was a shit Tinkerbell? By wiping her bum on a VHS copy of Flatliners? We just don't know.

And it doesn't end there. According to Star, Julia Roberts' husband Danny Moder worked on Mr & Mrs Smith and is full of stories about what a strumpet Angelina Jolie was towards Brad Pitt:

"Danny told her it was obvious that Angelina was making a play for Brad. People on the set called her the Spider-Woman because she was spinning a web for Brad. Julia said Angelina had no shame. She’s made it pretty clear that she doesn’t hold Angie in high regard."

What brought all of this on, we wonder? Is it because Angelina Jolie managed to get in Brad Pitt's pants after half a movie but Julia Roberts couldn't manage it despite being in The Mexican, Ocean's Eleven and Ocean's Twelve with him? Is it because Julia Roberts is resentful that she has to grow babies inside her and then push them out of her vagina when Angelina Jolie can just swan off and grab one from a poor country?

Or is it, as we suspect, because Julia Roberts has a film coming out soon – the first film in three years where she hasn't played the voice of an insect – and a catfight with a popular actress is just the thing to ramp up publicity for both Roberts' new film and the Oscar buzz over Angelina Jolie's performance in A Mighty Heart? 

If that's so, let's all hope it works, because the last thing we want to do is write anything with the headline 'Oi Kidman, You Ginger Wanker!' Roars Julia Roberts.

Read more:

Julia's Jolie Pop – Megastar