a * is born - HecklerSpray

La Toya Jackson To Perform At Michael Tribute, Despite Immense Crassness

September 30th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Michael Jackson’s Misery Concert Of Cash Cowdery And Crassery (or: Michael Forever Tribute) is going ahead next weekend in Cardiff, despite the fact that absolutely no-one from Michael’s family wants it to go ahead, for fear of distracting everyone from the trial of Dr Conrad Murray.

Wait. What’s that?

Sorry, nearly everyone in the Jackson family doesn’t want it to go ahead. So who is letting the side down and letting money come first? It couldn’t be anyone else! That’s right! It’s La Toya Jackson and she’s going to actually perform at the show too! What a gasping idiot.

Michael Jackson Concert Now Contains Fearne Cotton – It's What He Would Have Wanted

September 29th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Over in America, Dr. Conrad Murray is being accused of administrating some mental sounding drugs into Michael Jackson and causing him to carry out his last boogie.

However, it isn't just the remaining members of the Jacksons that he has to prove his innocence to. The singer?s children also want answers and then, we have the fans that all seem to have been touched by Michael in their own special way.

The Moonwalking For Justice trial is expected to last for months, but this hasn't stopped a cultish gathering of Jackofans to gather in Cardiff on Saturday 8th August. There, the king of pop’s life will be celebrated whilst a man is still being tried. With both events happening at the same time, some say it's a bit sickening. But hey, they?ll be mincing their words now. After all, the gig has been injected with totally mad and uber kewl Fearne Cotton. Who wouldn't want to go?

Conrad Murray Phoned For Cocktails While Michael Jackson Died?

September 28th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

As a doctor, presumably you know when a human is a lost cause. That’s why Dignitas exists, right? And so, if the rumours that Michael Jackson was knocking back Propofol like milk, he probably thought ‘sod it’.

And who can blame him?

During the Moonwalking for Justice trial, it seems that MJ was dying in his bedroom while Dr. Conrad Murray spent 45 minutes on the telephone, calling a cocktail waitress (according to the prosecution). He probably wanted a Long Island Iced Tea or something from doing all that hard work staring at Jackson’s increasingly peculiar face.

Michael Jackson’s Son Lets Family Down By Showing Pre-Court Nerves

September 27th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The Jackson family are born performers aren’t they? Those that numbered up the Jackson 5 all loved the limelight and, in later years, so did Papa Joe with that belt-brandishing look in his eye and, of course, world-weary mother Katherine.

We also got LaToya and Janet thrown in for free too, which is nice. Not to mention the champion hurdler Colin and Hobbit botherer, Peter.

What a family! However, Michael Jackson’s son is not like the rest of his clan. He’s ‘nervous’ about testifying in the trial related to his dad’s death.

Michael Jackson Jurors Selected In The Dr. Conrad Murray Moonwalking For Justice Trial

September 26th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, roll up for what promises to be the greatest court case spectacle that the world has ever seen!

In the UK, we only get hastily sketched drawings of court proceedings, sometimes making us think that cartoon characters actually carry out heinous crimes. But in America, good old fashioned family time can be spent watching an alleged murderer on TV! AMAZING!

we're not sure if the court case brought against Dr. Conrad Murray will suffer a similar fate, but after endless delays and arguments, the trial is set to go ahead. No doubt it'll drag on forever and the eventual outcome will be appealed, but for now, everything is running correctly. One of the most difficult tasks was the jury selection process and, after months of screening potential jurors, twelve have been selected. Are there any questionable doubts? Of course there are, stupid. It is a Michael Jackson trial after all.

Michael Jackson’s Daughter Sleeps Inside A Jacket Or Whatever

September 23rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

With the Michael Jackson v. Conrad Murray’s Syringe court case imminent, we need to keep Jacko in the news because come the trial, we’ll need to convince ourselves that we’re informed.

There’s no danger of you lot being uber-informed though because, chances are, you have absolutely no life outside of scouring the internet for articles about the former King Of Pop (since MJ’s death, the crown has been handed over to Pitbull).

However, as Michael is completely and utterly dead, we have to look elsewhere for stories. And so, we bring the tale of Jackson’s daughter – Paris – sleeping with a jacket. Isn’t jacket one of Michael’s other children?

Jermaine Makes A Pretty Penny While Accusing Everyone Of Milking Michael Jackson’s Death

September 16th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Michael Jackson’s death may well be very sad for those who still bought his albums post-Dangerous (yes, these people actually exist), but it hasn’t been all bad news for the world.

You see, like deep sea creatures gorging on the carcass of a dead whale, Michael Jackson’s cadaver has created something of a cottage industry, where everyone is making a nice living out of an injection of Propofol.

And one person doing very well out of Michael’s death is Jermaine Jackson who, ironically enough, is paying his mortgage by scalding everyone who is making money out of Michael’s deathly mishap.

Michael Jackson In Bahrain Escape Plot If Found Guilty Of Fiddling With Knobs That Weren?t His

September 12th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

The only people counting down the days to the Michael Jackson ‘Moonwalking For Justice’ manslaughter trial, are members of his immediate family and his slightly psychotic followers.

Oh, how we look forward to seeing scores of Jackson fans with badly scrawled banners, candlelit shrines and people walking around in monkey costumes.

And poor ol’ Dr. Conrad Murray – who's accused of administrating the lethal drugs that caused Michael Jackson to go in to cardiac arrest – has a few hurdles to mount before the trial even begins.

Conrad Murray Trial To Avoid Michael Jackson’s Dubious Past, Remarkably

September 6th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

As we saw in a recent rape trial involving a certain influential banker and a maid, judging someone on their character is a big deal in the American legal system. Basically, if you’re a dodgy sod, people are less likely to believe your defence.

However, with Michael Jackson, he gets special rules because he’s really famous.

See, in the upcoming manslaughter trial, starring Dr Conrad Murray ‘as himself’, many aspects of Jackson’s dark past won’t be taken into account. That sounds fair doesn’t it?

Beyonce To Perform At Michael Jackson Tribute Well Away From His Mental Fans

August 22nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

We’re a little obsessed with Michael Jackson here in the ‘spray hole. Well we would wouldn’t we? He’s fascinatingly odd. We could stare at his gargoyle face all day long. Y’know, that one that didn’t change at all in the 40-odd years he hobbled around this poor planet.

His behaviour was like a particularly odd drama too. It was both hilarious and hugely upsetting. What a strange chap he was. And strikingly, it’s the weird that was picked up by his fans. Sure, they couldn’t ever hope to match his talent, but they sure could act like reserved lunatics. That’s definitely attainable.

Of course, these fancy-dress, groin-grabbing goons give sensible people the eebie-jeebies, and not exempt from that is Beyonce, who is happy to perform at the upcoming Michael Jackson tribute concert, provided its nowhere near those wide-eyed evangelical Jacksonites. She’s going to perform from the safety of a satellite link-up. Smart girl.