Like movie stars and music moguls, television people like nothing better than an evening of expensive outfits, impressive golden statuettes changing hands, and beautiful faces all sitting around telling one another just how brilliant they all are at their jobs. It’s only a shame that such wonderful nights out don’t stretch into normal jobs.

We shall only ever dream of a day when undervalued stone masons and building site skivvies get to breeze around outside hotels shouting details of their suits/blouses to hysterical reporters. What a great day that would be.

Last night it was the 61st edition of The Emmy Awards, so everyone who couldn’t quite cut it on the big screen turned up, their skin soft and shiny, their hair just about achieving the perfection they demand. Embarrassingly, practically all of the males in attendance turned up in the same dinner-suit-plus-tie outfit. The women, meanwhile, shimmered and sparkled like fireworks at an eighteen year old boy’s impromptu bonfire night party in the back garden with most of his friends. Seriously. They looked that amazing. 

The big cock-punch of the evening went to the gigantic throbbing minds behind Family Guy, who were hoping to become one of the first cartoons to snaffle the Best Comedy gong. There’s a whisper that The Flintstones did it about sixty years ago, or something. But it wasn’t to be. Instead, the cheerful 30 Rock gang were awarded their third in a row, meaning that the show’s creator, Tina Fey, can now think about giving her Emmy’s a hilarious nickname – like The Bee Gees, or ZZ Top. Or any other band that consists of three members. She’ll have fun with that. She’s a creative woman. She loves challenges.

On the downside for Fey, she did lose out in the battle of the women with four-letter names beginning with T, when Toni Collette took the grand prize as Most Fantastic Actress Making Everyone Laugh in a Comedy. For those not up on these things, she stars as a bonkers maniac in a show called United States of Tara. Well done her. Luckily for the 30 Rock crew, Alec Baldwin did make up for the howling disappointment of it all by winning the male version of the same prize.

Elsewhere, Mad Men – the tale of men smoking at work, and the sexy ginger one convincing timid secretaries to have it off with their bosses – was declared Greatest Drama. Glenn Close, who will be forever remembered as the recipient of the full Michael Douglas tongue in Fatal Attraction, triumphed as a dramatic actor, as did Bryan Cranston, who was repeatedly overlooked for his stunning work in Malcolm in The Middle. The Academy – or whoever it is – is clearly making up for that now. He won for Breaking Bad.

Here’s what Jessica Lange said at one point during the evening:

“I can’t believe I’m standing here.”

You tell them, sister!

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The Emmys took place last night, and they were a special Emmys, too – the 60th anniversary of the ceremony. So which megawatt uberstar got to mark this prestigious moment? The fanny-faced bloke from Deal Or No Deal, that’s who. And Ryan Seacrest. Naturally.

But, hey, who won at the Emmys last night? Well, Mad Men picked up the most prestigious award! And 30 Rock scooped several others! And blah! And snore! And honk! And fleurgh!

OK, look, we have a confession to make. We didn’t actually watch the Emmys last night. It’s not that we didn’t want to, it’s just… no, actually it was entirely because we didn’t want to. If we wanted to watch three hours of TV people backslapping each other largely without merit, we’d just hang around for a morning at any TV production company in the world. At least that way we wouldn’t have to go through the soul-crushing rigmarole of seeing Jeremy Piven leap around clutching a shiny trophy for essentially playing Jeremy Piven for the 15th year running.

But, anyway, just because we didn’t see the Emmys doesn’t mean we don’t know what happened. For example, judging by the videos of the Emmys submitted to YouTube so far, the entire three-hour ceremony was given over to Josh Groban, who attempted to sing one line from every television theme-tune ever made in such a variety of irritating wacky voices that we’re surprised nobody clambered onto the stage and punched him to the ground about three seconds in. Here’s a five-minute excerpt…

But the Emmys being tedious and uncomfortably self-congratulatory isn’t news – the news is who won the Emmys. So here’s who won the Emmys.

Man Men won Best Drama and Best Writing for a drama series, which was probably deserved even though watching an episode of Mad Men feels a bit like watching an episode of The Sopranos in slow motion in the moments between overdosing on cough medicine and waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

30 Rock won Emmys for Best Comedy, Best Comedy Actor, Best Comedy Actress and Best Writing for a comedy series which, again, was probably deserved despite Charlie Sheen’s continued excellence at playing a monotone dullard who really looks like he’d much rather being doing anything else at all and who wouldn’t even be on this stinking show if it weren’t for the alimony he has to pay his bitch of an ex-wife on Two And A Half Men.

Other winners at the Emmys included John Adams, Don Rickles and Glenn Close. Other losers at the Emmys includes anyone who watched the Emmys.

Honestly, don’t the people behind the Emmys know that people only take award ceremonies seriously if Britney Spears turns up and wins a bunch of stuff she patently doesn’t deserve just because she’s got hair and isn’t crying for once? You’d do well to remember that for next year, Emmy people.

Us neither, actually. But, hey, good news! Jennifer Aniston’s somehow managed to stop being such a needy whining pissbag for long enough to get a proper acting job on the television! It’s been reported that Aniston’s signed up to film a guest spot on the next series of 30 Rock.

That’s great news, because personally we’d missed seeing Jennifer Aniston on TV. It’s been getting kind of boring only watching her on the 1,300 episodes of Friends broadcast by E4 every single day. In fact, there was a couple of seconds yesterday where Jennifer Aniston’s pointy face wasn’t being directly shoved down our throats, so this 30 Rock guest spot will fill this void nicely. Thanks, Jennifer Aniston! You’re the greatest!

The only places you’ve been able to see Jennifer Aniston in lately are celebrity magazines, either draping herself John Mayer like some kind of badly-chinned celebrity unitard or staggering around looking all drawn and gaunt because she broke up with John Mayer.

In fact, the last thing we saw Jennifer Aniston in was Courteney Cox’s Dirt series, where she and Cox had a bit of a lesbian tounging session. And that was when people still cared whether or not Dirt was on TV, so it must have been ages ago.

But, sadly, Jennifer Aniston’s tenure as a tabloid magazine fixture is about to come to an end. In the next year or so Jennifer Aniston will be appearing in a handful of films – the dreary romantic drama Traveling, the dreary romantic comedy He’s Just Not That Into You, possibly a Coen Brothers film and Marley And Me, a film about a happy dog so awful that Owen Wilson tried to kill himself to get out of being in it.

And, what’s more, now Jennifer Aniston has signed up for a guest role on the new season of 30 Rock, too, which is a worry because a) 30 Rock is usually quite good and b) given Jennifer Aniston’s reported fondness for getting romantically involved with her co-stars, Alec Baldwin must be shitting it at the moment. E! Online reports:

“She is shooting now,” her publicist, Stephen Huvane tells me exclusively. “We are not giving any specifics on her character.” Given the Saturday Night Live-esque nature of the series, Aniston could be playing either herself or a scripted character.

While we’re semi-interested to see how Jennifer Aniston fares on 30 Rock, that really isn’t the point here. By appearing in so many films and TV shows all at once, Jennifer Aniston is sending out a very clear message to the world. And that’s that Jennifer Aniston is a serious actress and you’re not going to constantly see her in all the celebrity magazines flaunting her celebrity love life any more.

No, now you’re about to witness the birth of a new Jennifer Aniston; one who you constantly see in all the celebrity magazines looking drawn and gaunt because she’s plunged herself herself deep into work to take her mind off what a bloody awful love life she’s got.

Trust us, it’s better this way.

It isn't going well. Laidlow, hammered on alcopops, has thrown up in Lindseth's sleeping bag and made him cry. Laverty tripped over the guy rope and dropped all our eggs on a cowpat. C J Davies keeps walking into a tree head-first again and again, convinced he'll be able to move it with the power of his mind and nobody has seen Annette since she went off to film that witch's hut. Only Stuart Heritage has managed to rise above this pathetic scene. Really, he's like some sort of hero or something.

Anyway, want to know what our favourite TV shows of the year were? Good, they're all here…

Stuart Heritage

I was tempted to plump for Tribe here, but didn't for the simple reason that Bruce Parry doesn't break out in whimsical song twice an episode. That isn't a problem with Flight Of The Conchords – the HBO remake of the duo's BBC radio series. Funny, understated and – as proved by the song Leggy Blonde – weirdly touching, Brett and Jermaine from Flight Of The Conchords are smarter, funnier, better-looking and better dressed than I am, and the simple fact that I don't hate them for it speaks volumes.

C J Davies

The Wire Season Three – broadcast a couple of years back, released to the masses on DVD this year – remains one of the best television shows ever made, and word is that the fourth season continues this fine tradition. In terms of new stuff, it admittedly does feel like it's been a year of wavering standards. 24 was notably below par this time around, even for a series that prides itself on far-fetched unreality. Family Guy has been missing the mark with alarming inaccuracy of late, and Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip promised to develop into something interesting but then went and got itself cancelled. Oh, and Heroes is just a big pile of shit, isn't it, really?

Hip-hip-hurrahs then to our two winners, one of which went out with nothing resembling a bang. The Sopranos ended in typically uncompromising style, dividing opinions sharply between pretentious non-ending and work of utter genius (hint: it's the latter). And Lost has made a remarkable recovery from a lacklustre second season, playing out its third year with humour, suspense and intelligence beyond any of its contemporaries.

Meanwhile in Britain, Rosemary And Thyme is set to begin it's six-fucking-millionth series.

Shawn Lindseth

The Best TV show of '08, in my humble opinion – and I have 75% of a GED so my opinion really counts – is 30 Rock. They were on their game during season one, but season two even more so. Anyone catch that Greenzo episode when Al Gore had to run out and save a whale?

Or what about when Kenneth was obligated to seduce Tracy Jordan's wife, and he did so by telling her he was a real good sex person?

Yes, in Shawn Lindseth's humble middle-school educated opinion, 30 Rock takes the '07 sitcom cake. 

Chris Laverty

Not just the best show of the year, but now one of my favourite shows of all time: Aaron Sorkin's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

Less hyped than Heroes and with a cast largely over the age of 30, this show never really stood a chance.

Literate and moving, funny and meaningful – this is the kind of programme that nobody you know actually watches; especially not anymore, because it was cancelled with criminal haste after just one series.

Matthew Laidlow

It has to be the Jeremy Kyle show by far. There really is no better way to wake up on a morning in a hangover state to see Britain’s morons being paraded around for my amusement. Such brilliant tales of 'My daughter's a 14-year-old smack head' and 'I’m the village bike' never fail to make me laugh. Where they get them from I don’t know, but it’s like the Jeremy Kyle show is single-handedly picking out and showing us all of God’s hideous mistakes. We all make errors from time to time, I guess. At least ITV has the chance to exploit this for an hour or so every day. All it needs is a ridiculously easy phone-in competition prize of a 20p Pick And Mix at Woolworths and it has the makings of the greatest TV show ever.

Annette Hyde

I can now somewhat confidently admit to my love of Heroes. I was ashamed at first. What was to come next? Two and a Half Men curiosity? A subtle regard for Grey’s Anatomy? But, I can now admit that I am a Heroes supporter. My main reason for choosing Heroes is that if I could heal myself like Hayden Panettiere’s character I wouldn’t have to panic wondering if I contracted a deadly disease after accidentally sticking myself with a needle at work… or needles. Yep. It’s happened more than once.

Next week – our wishes for 2008. But leave your favourite TV shows of 2007 in the comment box below. If that’s what you want to do.