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24

24 Creator Hangs Up His Terrorist-Killing Boots

by C J Davies

Ah, 24. We’ve had some good times over the years.

Remember when main character Jack Bauer became hopelessly addicted to heroin and ended a series crying in utter self-loathing? Boy, that was a chuckle and a half. And that bit when a supermarket full of people were told that they were all going to die from a hideous new virus, and that the best way out was to swallow the cyanide pills that were being handed around? Fun, fun, fun.

Anyone who shares these sentiments may want to shed a tear, however, because it looks like – after seven-and-a-bit years of boss-killing, suspect-beheading, nuclear-bomb-crashing and whispering in a hushed grimace – 24 co-creator Joel Surnow reckons that he’s taken the acting skills of Kiefer Sutherland roughly about as far as he can.

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Now Mary Lynn Rajskub Off 24 Is Pregnant Too

by Stuart Heritage

If any of you are planning to go to Los Angeles any time soon, don’t drink the water whatever you do – chances are you’ll end up full of babies.

It’s true – every female celebrity you can think of has announced a pregnancy in the last couple of weeks and now the trend’s continuing with Mary Lynn Rajskub, 24′s Chloe O’Brian, revealing that she’s pregnant, too.

Of course, if real life was like 24 then Mary Lynn Rajskub would have to be pregnant for 6,480 episodes. But then if real life was like 24 then Mary Lynn Rajskub’s baby would be an offensively stereotypical Muslim hellbent on trying to poison the world by pumping a deadly virus out of its mother’s bumhole.

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Beanie Sigel Sentenced To One Gruelling Day In Jail

by Stuart Heritage

Beanie Sigel is a rapper who’s been shot in the shoulder in the past, but that’s hardly going to measure up to the hell of what he’s about to experience.

That’s because Beanie Sigel has been sentenced to jail for repeated parole violations. And we’re not talking some light-touch 90-minute jail sentence like Lindsay Lohan or Nicole Richie got, either – Beanie Sigel is going downtown bigtime, for a full backbreaking 24 hours.

Hopefully jail will do the trick for Beanie Sigel, and we’re expecting him to come out older and wiser. 24 hours older and 24 hours wiser, to be precise.

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