Articles tagged with: 2009
If you're an adult that lists the Harry Potter series of books as one of your favourites then you likely need to be shot. In the face. If you're an adult that lists the Harry Potter series of films as one of your favourites then you need to be fired. From a cannon. Into the sun. Twice. Needless to say, the idiots that do like this garbage - that's 'kids' and the aforementioned persons that need to be killed in excessive fashions - will be upset to learn that the newest film, Harry Potter and the Simple Premise Drawn Out For Far Too Long, Thus Making Billions of Dollars, has been pushed back by eight months. Why? Technical problems? Realising it's crap? No - to make sure it comes out in the summer when Warner Bros don't have much else to bring out. In other words: to make more money. What a lovely, cynical, money-grabbing world we do live in. It makes us feel all gooey inside.
Well this is a pisser - we're going to have to wait four months longer than we expected to see Tom Cruise running around dressed up a tiny, one-eyed Nazi.
Valkyrie, the movie where Tom Cruise inexplicably attempts to make his box office comeback as a kooky Nazi officer attempting to kill Hitler with some luggage, has seen its release date pushed back from October to February.
The signs are clear - by releasing Valkyrie so close to the Oscars, Tom Cruise has effectively admitted he doesn't stand a chance of winning an Oscar for it. A shame, since 2009 sees the launch of the Academy's inaugural Best One-Eyed Nazi Played By A Fading Egotist With Downright Odd Religious Beliefs trophy. Still, at least now Mel Gibson has a clear run at the prize with his upcoming role in The Fantastical Contraptions Of Professor Baron Von Cyclops.
