“DON’T EAT ANYTHING… ‘TIL YOU’VE WATCHED THIS!” cried the advertising trailer for new show Food (Channel 4, Wednesday, 15 September, 8pm), leaving thousands of viewers starving to death before the programme even aired.

Still, no matter, because those that perished saved themselves from a breathtakingly pointless programme which pointed at foodstuffs shouting “It’s food! LOOK! FOOD!” and very little else.

That’s okay though because food is just food isn’t it? Television shows about it are usually made fun by the personalities in it. Masterchef has the camp machismo of Gregg and Torode, while Rick Stein makes us want to eat fish because he’s a cuddly old man. What’s that? This Food show is headed up by the irritating Anna Richardson? Jay Raynor is on as well? Heaven help us.