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007

Daniel Craig To Return In New James Bond While Women Fap Themselves Red Raw

by Mof Gimmers on January 12, 2011 2 Comments

Oooh! Daniel Craig! Eh girls? Those swimming trunks! Eh girls? Those massive solid gym boobs! Eh girls? Daniel Craig! James Bond! Trunks! Eh girls? If you squint, you can imagine what he looks like naked, ammaright girls?! DANIEL CRAIG! NO TOP ON! OH GOD! I THINK I’M GOING TO CUM JUST TYPING HIS NAME OUT! EH GIIIIRRRLLLS?

And so, the world of women collectively start dribbling down their legs at the news that there’s a good chance that the new James Bond film will star Daniel Craig and he’ll probably take his top off a few times throughout. Of course, the film is likely to be rubbish, so women could simply stare at a picture of Craig on Google Images and be done with it.

As for fans of the film franchise, then this must be the news you knew was coming anyway (no new Bond’s have been talked about, so it barely feels like news, does it?).

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Sam Mendes To Make Bond 23 Even More Drearily Self-Important

by Stuart Heritage on January 6, 2010 5 Comments

James Bond, Bond 23, Sam Mendes, Daniel Craig, 007Now that Daniel Craig has been James Bond for a while, we all know what we can expect from his films.

Punching. And grunting. And silly blue knickers. And no invisible cars. And up to two scenes where James Bond looks a bit sad and a foreign woman babbles on incoherently about how his mind is like a prison, to show that he’s all sensitive and modern and whatever. And no fun. That last one’s very important. There must be no fun whatsoever.

So good news, fun-haters! The director of Bond 23 has been announced as Sam Mendes who, so far in his career, has made a film about the horrors of war, a film about the horrors of organised crime, a film about the horrors of gory abortions and a film about a plastic bag sort of flapping around in the air for a while. Hooray! This new James Bond film is going to be no fun at all!

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