Thanks to the success of the new Rocky film and the new Rambo film, Sylvester Stallone is on top of the world right now – and he knows exactly what to do next.
That's right – more Rocky and Rambo films! Possibly. Sylvester Stallone has just signed a two-movie deal to direct and star in two brand new action films, and already it's thought that Stallone is working on sequels to Rocky Balboa and the new Rambo movie.
And why not. Sylvester Stallone has only ever had three good ideas in his life, and two of them were Rocky and Rambo. He'd make a film of his third good idea, but it's hard to make figuring out that shoes go on your feet instead of your hands very cinematic.
Until Britney Spears records a new album called I Have A Distressing Mental Illness, there's not better example of art imitating life than Sylvester Stallone. When he made Rocky he was a nobody, just like Rocky. But by the time he made Rocky 5, he'd become like the Rocky of that movie, too – bloated, lazy, overprivileged and milking a single idea until it bleeds. And when Sylvester Stallone decided to make Rocky Balboa, he was at his lowest – just like Rocky. It was a graceful comeback for the both of them.
And there's a similar sort of thing with Rambo, too, only with more guns and fighting and throat-ripping and whatnot.
Anyway, the relative box office successes of Rocky Balboa and Rambo mean that Sylvester Stallone can do whatever he likes again. And, as we all know, that means a bunch of foreigners are going to be killed horribly. Reuters reports:
Boxoffice comeback champ Sylvester Stallone has inked a lucrative deal to direct and star in two action films with "Rambo" producer Danny Dimbort. Several scripts are being considered for follow-ups to his surprise hit sequels to "First Blood" and "Rocky." With Nu Image/Millennium's new Writers Guild of America interim deal speeding up the process, the first script is expected to be ready by the fall, with production set to begin shortly thereafter.
Now, obviously it hasn't been made explicit that Sylvester Stallone will make a new Rocky movie and a new Rambo movie – especially since he's been telling people that he doesn't want to make any more of either of them – but we can't see how he even has a choice, because the other options are so stupid.
The reason people have went to see Rocky and Rambo was because of nostalgia – give Stallone a fresh new character to play and he'll need to do ten times as much work to convince people to watch it, because it'd just be a film about an angry 61-year-old man. And the other alternative is even worse – a sequel to one of Sylvester Stallone's non-Rocky, non-Rambo films. Would you go and see Demolition Man 2: Back And Even More Demolitiony? Us neither.
So let's just assume that Sylvester Stallone is working on more Rambo movies – which begs the question of how the hell he's going to manage it. When he was making the last one Stallone was chugging Human Growth Hormone like a thing possessed, so it defies logic that someone so old and out of shape would want to try and recapture their youth even though they know that they're now nothing more than an embarrassing public figure of mockery.
No, wait, we were thinking of New Kids On The Block. Sylvester Stallone should be fine.
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Not Mark Lamarr says
Yes, yes I would go and see “Demolition Man 2: Back And Even More Demolitiony”. Especially if it had Denis Leary in it.
Not Sandra Bullock though. She’s gone all pointy.
Stabby McGee says
God yes, remember when Sandra Bullock used to be alluring? Things done changed, man… things done changed.
I quite liked Demolition Man to be honest. I’ve got a soft spot for cheesy sci-fi/action movies – Johnny Mnemonic anyone?
Stuart Heritage says
Go and watch the Saundra Bullock movie Practical Magic. I swear her nose changes shape six times during it. It’s hypnotic.
kaoticchick says
hey if anyone can pull it off its rocky
initially, i too was skeptical about thought Sly’s choice..but if there was anything that convinced me of the force of nature that is rocky balboa..it was this clip
http://effinfunny.com/rockyvsnorthkorea
EAT THAT NON BELIEVERS