Sylvester Stallone Doing Rambo 5 And 6 And Hopefully No More

This year’s Rambo gave the world just what it needed – an unnaturally jacked-up sexagenarian doing gory murder on millions of foreigners.

And, make no mistake, Rambo worked on every conceivable level – as a flat-out action movie, as a piece of issue-based social filmmaking, as a way of utterly obliterating the Burmese tourist industry, as a warning against the use of HGH at an advanced age, as a reminder that nobody looks good with a mullet. We could go on.

But anyway, that’s why we’re thrilled at the news that Sylvester Stallone has just signed on to direct Rambo 5, due to start filming next year. What’s more, Sylvester Stallone is also thought to be writing Rambo 6. Plus Stallone wants Rambo 7 to be an animated cartoon, and Rambo 8 to be a musical, and Rambo 9 to be a stageplay and Rambo 10 to be a remake of Rambo 6 starring children and puppets and Rambo 11 to be an avant-garde Warhol-style close-up of one of his own eyelashes that lasts for 48 hours.

All true. Except for the last 57 words.

Though easy to mock at the time, when Sylvester Stallone revisited one of his most famous cinematic creations for Rocky Balboa, he crafted an elegant, eloquent finale to the series that dropped the overblown posturing of its previous sequels and let the character go with a respect and dignity that nobody really thought possible.

And, right after that, Sylvester Stallone made another Rambo movie, about an old bloke killing everything and running around going “Aaargh!” a lot. So it all balances out.

And, unquestionably, Rambo was a success. It made money. It regained Sylvester Stallone’s position as the daddy of the gormless action movie. It reminded Americans that diplomacy never works and the only to resolve international disputes is to send a mental old pensioner into the woods to tear out peoples’ throats and shred them to pieces with a minigun.

That’s why it’s nothing short of genius that Sylvester Stallone has just signed up to make Rambo 5, while simultaneously writing Rambo 6. Moviehole reports:

The aging action-hero has already written “Rambo 5” – rumoured to be shooting next year in Bulgaria, though set in the United States – and is about to put pen to paper on a sixth installment of the series. Also, the next two films won’t be War films like the original movies… but just straight-up action thrillers.

That’s awesome news – when it comes to near-silent beefcakes mumbling something vaguely philosophical before firing 600 arrows through a guerrilla’s face, nobody does it better than Sylvester Stallone. But let’s not get too ahead of ourselves here – we still have our reservations about Rambo 5 and Rambo 6. For instance:

*Action thrillers? That sounds terrible. Scooby Doo is an action thriller. If Rambo 5 is about Sylvester Stallone investigating a haunted funfair we’re going to be deeply pissed off.

*To make Rambo 5 better than Rambo 4, Stallone clearly needs to up the body count. We’re not sure that’s even physically possible, to be honest, unless the whole film is just a fast-forwarded domino line of shifty-looking south east Asian men getting their faces blown off one after another for a full day.

*If Rambo 5 starts filming next year, Sylvester Stallone will be 63, so he could feasibly be in his late sixties by the time Rambo 6 rolls around. Let’s hope that Sylvester Stallone has already factored that into the script and made sure that Rambo’s biggest enemies in that film are incontinence and an inability to eat soup properly.

*Remember that Sylvester Stallone needed vast quantities of Human Growth Hormone to keep him in shape for Rambo 4. We wouldn’t be surprised if, for Rambo 6, Stallone has to resort to drinking babies’ spinal fluid and injecting himself with unicorn semen.

Other than all that, though, great. We can’t wait.

Read more:

Sly Directing Rambo 5 – Moviehole

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Comments

  1. says

    I never saw the fourth film, but I was disappointed they didn’t play up the obvious connection between Rambo and Al Qaeda from the third film. It would have been totally badass to have the fourth film be about Rambo admitting he messed up and icing those guys.

    Oh well. Good writeup, I had no idea this was going on.

  2. says

    ….Ya know, I grew up watching the rambo cartoons as a kid, and around the same time my dad got me the complete collection of rambo movies 1, 2, and 3 and then when i grew up another one was in production I was excited and went to go see it opening weekend It impressed me yet again, and I was kind of bummed out that it ended right there but when i looked it up online I found out that a 5th was being made..and I was once again excited to hear the news and i’m still pumped up for it. But a 6th one is he for real, i mean don’t get me wrong I love Rambo and would give an arm or a leg in a heart beat if sly would be my father but he needs to stop making action movies before he gets hurt ;/

    P.S. Not hating on the man, but no one lives forever

  3. says

    The film that everyone’s really waiting for though is, and it’s definitely gonna be one twisty chiller, involving time travel, amnesia, incest and phobia, yes that’s right boys and girls, in the grand old tradition of Bambi Meets Godzilla, Husky and Starch, Jason Does Freddy, we bring you —

    Rocky vs. Rambo

    I can hardly wait . . . but I might have to if Sylvester films two more Rambos first. But goddamn this is exciting!!!

  4. Cody Goggin says

    Despite how old he is, Rambo 5 will be great. All you guys are wrong and if you have seen the new Rocky, you obviously didnt catch on to the point. No matter how old you are you can still kick some but. Age doesnt limit your abilities to act like your shooting a huge machine gun and it doesnt make the movie suck. Heres to Rambo 5 and 6 and 7 and 8 and 55!

  5. Dimitri Jeet says

    Despite how old he is, Rambo 5 will be great. All you guys are wrong and if you have seen the new Rocky, you obviously didnt catch on to the point. No matter how old you are you can still kick some but. Age doesnt limit your abilities to act like your shooting a huge machine gun and it doesnt make the movie suck. Heres to Rambo 5 and 6 and 7 and 8 and 55!

    “AGREEEED”!!!!!!!!!!

  6. says

    Just stop the franchise now. Rambo 1-3 were great, number 2 was a bit stale, and 4 was a return to form. Surely the point has been made? Regardless, I’ll probably still check this out, IF it gets made. It could be cancelled altogether, who knows.

  7. Brad says

    The Rambo movies are awesome!! Maybe i’m a little obsessed but I hope he makes as many as he can! Number 4 was unreal, maybe the best of them all, although first blood I’ve probably watched 50 times and it never gets old. Number 4 in blu ray is amazing by the way! Love sly, keep the Rambo movies coming, I don’t care how old he is he still kicks ass!!

  8. Nick says

    I am not old enough and you are not old enough to judge what the old man can do and how does he feels.Yes the main reason is the money but hell yeah i want more rambo movies even 10 more!go go rambo!

  9. JJ says

    I grew up watching kick ass movies from Die Hard to Rambo I love THEM, Stallone,Willis,Schwarzenegger and a couple of other Old school bad ass actors still got more to show than some 20year olds, now we got some overrated overpaid bratz and they have a hell lot more to learn. Does Stallone look like “pensioner” does Willis look like “pensioner” ….HELL NO, they are in great shape and make great movies, when we talk about these fellas there is no room for childish jokes about their age Period!!!!!

  10. sam ottaway says

    i thought rambo 4 was eqcuelent and he done job betraying life in miltary contrelled countries and showing the fact that if some one has the bottle to stand up an do watss necasry you can make a diffrence cant wait for number 5

  11. rich says

    Hi i was wondering if anyone might be able to tell me:when rambo placed the claymore to set off the second world war bomb,”’What was the bomb as it had some kick in it, was it atom or tnt etc.if anyone knows please would you let me know as it come up in conversation with friends. raw24drunkalot@hotmail.co.uk thankyou. Rich

  12. Yllättäjä says

    Hi Rich.
    The bomb was conventional, non-nuclear weapon.
    The british ‘Grand Slam’ of WW2 comes to mind, but I don’t think the brits did any bombing over there (its weight was 9072 kg, 22000 lb).
    The U.S. had a bomb called Daisycutter. It is a 15000 pound jungle clearing bomb, so I’d say that’s is the safest bet.
    Hope This helped. T:a

  13. Sam J. says

    This article was amazing! I was drinking some coffee and managed to spill it since I was laughing too hard.

    Great writing, very eloquent, and good sense of humour. Bookmarked the site and I am forwarding the link to friends. Looking forward to your other material. Cheers!

  14. RAMBOHASHUGECOCK says

    Rambo rocks and keep the movies coming. Anybody who doesnt like rambo should just move to canada or france and hang out with the other fags of the world. god bless america and god bless rambo!!

  15. says

    He is the all the world because they are doing better and better hope they are do better in few year. But We are everyone want to see better in next movie. Hope they are very perfect.

  16. S. M. Ansari says

    Rambo you are the best and you are very perfect for me hope you are get everything which you want and your all movie is very better in future….

  17. Sylvester Stallone says

    Dim Jeet..U is a ass o wat???????????????? U sounding like a fat man! Because only fat man could be so “dim”. I old and I telling u it dont make any dam sense what u saying.

    P.S. Feel free to email me for any help on not being so arrogant or for my workout on how to get like rambo in 30 seconds or less!

  18. Sylvester Stallone says

    boss man…u really doh like my movies???…i will send rambo to shoot yuh bony ass!!!!

  19. DTS says

    i dont know why the hell they are speaking so badly about Rambo’s latest movie, that was friggen amazing.

  20. grim says

    don’t hate the player, hate the game.
    if you are not a fan of violence, then it probably means you have a vagina.
    this movie did it’s job as far as i’m concerned.
    if you were expecting to watch this for its story and then comment on here about how it was too much action take your damn mydol.

  21. john m says

    i agree with a lot you said about age and the fact that Stallone could be in hes 70s wen he film Rambo 6 but one thing you need to do is leave the bodybuilding-steroids to the pros like they say if you learn to control the slobbering and keep quiet nobody can tell you had a lobotomy

  22. pritesh pathak says

    HI Sylvester Stallone i am a big fan. could you come to my high school in pa?

  23. tayspears says

    I am totally obsessed with Rambo! All the movies are awesome. I think Sylvester Stallone is sexy no matter how old he is. Please don’t stop making the movies! They’re great!!! I wouldn’t care if he’s in a wheel chair, he’d still be beast, and would still be able to kick ass!!

  24. RAMBO LOVER says

    RAMBO IS AWESOME I HOPE HE MAKES 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 EVERY 1 HE MAKES I BUY HES AWESOME HE WILL NEVER GET OLD NO MATTER WAT HIS AGE SYVESTER IF U READ THIS COMMENT ME AND ILL TELL U WERE I LIOVE I WOULD REALY LIKE T SEE U IN PERSON I GOT 1 2 3 AND 4 ILLO BUY ALL 20 IF U MAKE THAT MANY

  25. says

    Lady Gaga cried for a full week the minute she learned how exactly how very well her most recent album was able to sell. The singer was unable to keep her inner thoughts in check due to the fact she was so overwhelmed from the encouraging responses to her LP ‘Born This Way’ the instant it was released last month.

  26. a says

    Its easy to mock Stallone for revisiting his old roles at 60+, but have we found a suitable replacement? Seriously, anybody stepping up to the action movie plate and not looking like some metro action star? Example? The Conan remake looked so bad it made me cry. Hopefully they won’t reboot Rambo in 10 years the same way. If Stallone can pull it off, the please keep doing it because it still entertains.