Sylvester Stallone Delighted With Awful New Film
Then buzz it up
November 14th, 2007 at 11:00 by C J Davies
EDIT: OK, so it's not Sylvester Stallone in Fred Claus, it's Sylvester Stallone's brother Frank. The rest of the article has been adjusted accordingly…
It is a rule generally acknowledged that anyone who starts a hecklerspray article with the words 'it is a rule generally acknowledged' must be slapped around the face with a bag of animal poo until the end of the working day.
Another one of those rule-acknowledgey things is that - in general - Christmas films are rubbish. Sure, there are classics like It's A Wonderful Life, but just compare those to the legions of dregs like Santa Claus: The Movie, Surviving Christmas or Platoon 2: Do You Take Napalm With Your Mince Pies, You Fucking Commies? Huh? Do You? WELL?
Someone hasn't told Sylvester Stallone's BROTHER this, however. His upcoming movie is a Christmas flick, you see… and he's mightily chuffered about it.
The movie has even restored Sylvester Stallone's BROTHER's faith in his career. Just listen to the man:
"At first I was a little leery because I had all but given up on the film business after almost 60 films. I wasn't getting any work and I couldn't find an agent and no one seemed to show any interest."
Now? Now everything's all better. He's happy with being THE BROTHER OF A silver-screen slurrer again. Why? Because:
"Working on Fred Claus was a delightful experience. I wish all film sets were as joyful."
Fred Claus? The same Fred Claus that stars Vince Vaughn and Paul Giamatti, and is currently getting reviews about as favourable as a double screening of Brokeback Mountain and My Beautiful Laundrette at an Alabama drive-in? Yep. That's the one.
Oh well - as long as the muscly fool's BROTHER is happy. And doesn't get HIS BROTHER to make any more Rocky sequels. Hecklerspray is far more concerned with the general consensus - that Vaughn and Giamatti should go back to making decent movies. Hey - we were actually going to say that was a 'rule generally acknowledged', but luckily got away with it.
Hang on a second. How did this article start again?
Oh, for god's sake. Alright, let's get this over with. Laverty! Hyde! Lindseth! Laidlow!
And Heritage? None of that penguin shit this time - a) I don't know where you get it from, and b) it really stings, man.
Related and recent:
- Sylvester Stallone Turns 60, Disco-Style
- Sylvester Stallone To Keep Churning Out Doddery Old Action Flicks
- Stallone To Make New Doddery Old Rambo Flick
- Sylvester Stallone In A Spot Of Australian Customs Bother
- Sylvester Stallone: Rocky Balboa Back In The Ring
- Stallone Settles Rocky Lawsuit With 67-Year-Old Brawler
- Sylvester Stallone Fined For Smuggling All Those Delicious Hormones
- Sylvester Stallone To Star As Decrepit Rocky in Rocky Balboa





November 14th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
Idiot! it’s Frank Stallone, Sly’s brother. I seriously hope you were joking with this article. Haha. moron.
November 14th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
hahaha damn. Jim just totally destroyed your credibility, hecklerspray. What say you to that?
November 14th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
I guess this one goes on the blooper reel when a documentary is made about the life and times of hecklerspray.
November 14th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
Ooh, and now with the “edit” bit, you’re saved from the poo beating! So it really was a clever move by C J after all…
November 14th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
OK Davies, I'm gonna be using a petrified dinosaur turd this time. It weighs 12 lbs.
November 14th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Man, the boys at the Frank Stallone fan club are gonna have a field day with this one. Especially what with me being president and all.
Anyway - the important thing is to remember that misleading sources happen. And possibly to stay off the drugs while researching them.