EDIT: OK, so it's not Sylvester Stallone in Fred Claus, it's Sylvester Stallone's brother Frank. The rest of the article has been adjusted accordingly…
It is a rule generally acknowledged that anyone who starts a hecklerspray article with the words 'it is a rule generally acknowledged' must be slapped around the face with a bag of animal poo until the end of the working day.
Another one of those rule-acknowledgey things is that – in general – Christmas films are rubbish. Sure, there are classics like It's A Wonderful Life, but just compare those to the legions of dregs like Santa Claus: The Movie, Surviving Christmas or Platoon 2: Do You Take Napalm With Your Mince Pies, You Fucking Commies? Huh? Do You? WELL?
Someone hasn't told Sylvester Stallone's BROTHER this, however. His upcoming movie is a Christmas flick, you see… and he's mightily chuffered about it.
The movie has even restored Sylvester Stallone's BROTHER's faith in his career. Just listen to the man:
"At first I was a little leery because I had all but given up on the film business after almost 60 films. I wasn't getting any work and I couldn't find an agent and no one seemed to show any interest."
Now? Now everything's all better. He's happy with being THE BROTHER OF A silver-screen slurrer again. Why? Because:
"Working on Fred Claus was a delightful experience. I wish all film sets were as joyful."
Fred Claus? The same Fred Claus that stars Vince Vaughn and Paul Giamatti, and is currently getting reviews about as favourable as a double screening of Brokeback Mountain and My Beautiful Laundrette at an Alabama drive-in? Yep. That's the one.
Oh well – as long as the muscly fool's BROTHER is happy. And doesn't get HIS BROTHER to make any more Rocky sequels. Hecklerspray is far more concerned with the general consensus – that Vaughn and Giamatti should go back to making decent movies. Hey – we were actually going to say that was a 'rule generally acknowledged', but luckily got away with it.
Hang on a second. How did this article start again?
Oh, for god's sake. Alright, let's get this over with. Laverty! Hyde! Lindseth! Laidlow!
And Heritage? None of that penguin shit this time – a) I don't know where you get it from, and b) it really stings, man.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Idiot! it’s Frank Stallone, Sly’s brother. I seriously hope you were joking with this article. Haha. moron.
hahaha damn. Jim just totally destroyed your credibility, hecklerspray. What say you to that?
I guess this one goes on the blooper reel when a documentary is made about the life and times of hecklerspray.
Ooh, and now with the “edit” bit, you’re saved from the poo beating! So it really was a clever move by C J after all…
OK Davies, I'm gonna be using a petrified dinosaur turd this time. It weighs 12 lbs.
Man, the boys at the Frank Stallone fan club are gonna have a field day with this one. Especially what with me being president and all.
Anyway – the important thing is to remember that misleading sources happen. And possibly to stay off the drugs while researching them.