So, Susan Boyle. Is it television’s fault that she ended up in a clinic? The public’s fault? The media’s?

It doesn’t matter. The fact is that Susan Boyle – a woman with a particularly evident mental fragility – found the stress of being famous too much to take, and we’re all complicit. We need to remember that under all the showbiz glitz are real people with real emotions that need to be respec… WHAT’S THAT?

Susan Boyle’s out of treatment? BRILLIANT! You sort out her album and punishing promotional schedule and we’ll score the heartbreaking front-page tell-all interview! WE’RE ALL RICH AGAIN!

Susan Boyle has been on one hell of a journey lately. Since Easter – thanks to her ability to not wax her eyebrows, sing a showtune adequately and behave in a retrospectively troubling way all at once – Susan Boyle has gone from a nobody to a megastar to the focus of a virulent backlash to a rehab-bound exile. It’s basically the Lindsay Lohan story in fast-forward, only with funnier eyebrows and actual fame.

The last time Susan Boyle was seen in public, it was during the final of Britain’s Got Talent where she did her best impression of a version of Les Miserables as exclusively performed by a jittery bunch of dead-eyed, shellshocked Vietnam veterans. Since then Susan Boyle has been holed up in The Priory receiving treatment for exhaustion, leaving the rest of us to work out who’s to blame for the mess. Personally we’re going for Piers Morgan, by the way, because blaming Piers Morgan for every single bad thing on the face of the Earth just feels sort of right.

Anyway, we can stop the blame game now, because Susan Boyle has left The Priory and she’s apparently back to her old self – which presumably means she’s acting like someone with an adorable Forrest Gump-style learning disability rather than someone with an upsetting Shine-style learning difficulty. Earlier today Susan Boyle’s brother conformed the news, as The Guardian reports:

“She’s much happier. She seems a lot more like herself.” Gerry Boyle said Susan had spoken to people who had assured her it “wasn’t the end” for her singing career after finishing second in the contest. “Things are becoming clearer for her now,” he added. “She’s now beginning to believe that, ‘Yes indeed, I will be a singer’.”

Oh, that’s tremendous news. No, really. We’re thrilled that Susan Boyle is back on the path to fame and fortune, because she’s already proved how brilliant she is at dealing with fame, hasn’t she? Still, Susan Boyle does stand to make a lot of people a lot of money, so she has no choice in the matter. It’s back on the horse for her.

Maybe Susan’s handlers can take a leaf out of Britney Spears‘ book. After all, Britney is no more fit to go on tour than Susan Boyle is, but she’s still selling out arenas everywhere she goes. Perhaps the secret is to build an elaborate stageshow around Susan Boyle where her only involvement is a bit of miming and the occasional vagina-flash. We’d definitely pay to watch that.

No, actually, wait. We wouldn’t. We definitely wouldn’t. We’re not animals.

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