Sundance Festival Eyewitnesses Suggest Celebs Are Boring

If you ignore those pesky rumours that films are shown at the Sundance Film Festival, you can really score some useless star-gazing. Although we keep a chateau just a short jaunt from the annual event taking place in Park City, Utah, we’re too lazy to get the first hand experience for ourselves.

As tempting as it is to circle narrow, packed city blocks for hours to find parking only to battle the mania of everyday average nobodies dying to catch a glimpse of anyone remotely famous, we’ve decided to continue with our high standard of journalistic integrity and mooch celebrity info from other sources.

Interestingly enough, these voyeurs are consistently reporting that celebs are, in fact, boring. It seems stars only do things like disarm nuclear bombs, leap buildings with a single bound, and engage in Kung-Fu fights with mortal enemies when they’re on screen. Instead, they drink their way from party lounge to party lounge, gathering obscene amounts of free swag (because they are truly in need of financial assistance), which will for sure be properly reported on their tax forms.

On the scene for the opening Sundance weekend were stars like… Josh Hartnett appearing for the opening of Resurrecting the Champ. We’d like to take a moment to congratulate and thank him for finally taking care of his unibrow… Sienna Miller for the film Interview, and continuing to build her wholesome reputation by flirting with the likes of P. Diddy… Tara Reid who was actually there for a movie (If I Had Known I Was a Genius), and not just the free booze and gifts. Even more surprising, she seemed able to keep all of her bits and pieces properly clothed.  

Another Sundance player at opening weekend was Steve Buscemi, who stars in Delerious. We’ve gotta hand it to the guy. In a profession where perfect grooming is required at all times, he recklessly throws the status quo to the wind by appearing to not make any effort toward grooming at all. Bravo, Steve. Bravo. 

We also love the stars that come even though they have no involvement in any film playing there. Take former boy N’SYNC boyband member/hasn’t done anything else besides come out of the closet, Lance Bass. He was spotted hitting the slopes, and later with old bandmate, Justin Timberlake. One may think that Mr. Bass is at Sundance to support his friend’s movie premiere of Alpha Dog, but really it’s more likely Lance is there to get hit up with some free crap so he can sell it on ebay to pay for his hair product and highlight touch-ups.

In other news, it was previously reported that due to contractual agreements for her movie Chapter 27, the ever-troubled Lindsay Lohan may step out from her rehab stint to attend the Sundance happenings. Reportedly, the treatment centre will allow the departure as long as she is chaperoned by a sober adult. So, in other words not her mom, Dina. 

Read more:

Best of Sundance: Swag, Slopes And Sightings - People