Thanks to the outrage over Chris Brown’s arrest, woman-beaters are now thinking twice about hitting girls.

So they’re hitting Suge Knight instead. Or at least that’s what it looks like. Because, you see, less than a fortnight after Brown’s alleged attack on Rihanna, Suge Knight has been hospitalised after receiving facial injuries in a fight as well. Coincidence? Hardly.

Something that most people have been expecting for years on account of Suge Knight constantly coming across like the world’s most monumentally awful bellend? Actually, that’s probably a little bit closer to the truth, yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, what you’re about to witness is a kind of perfect storm of inappropriately violent celebrity tosswhumps. Settle yourselves.

The long and the short of it is that Suge Knight – the man who was recently arrested after being spotted allegedly punching a woman in the head and then pulling a knife on her – has been hospitalised after being beaten up early on Monday morning. But get this – one of the men who apparently beat Suge Knight up identifies himself as Akon’s business manager.

That’d be the same Akon who not so long ago flung a boy at a woman’s head on purpose. Brilliant, isn’t it? Honestly, this whole story just needs Chris Brown doing army rolls with a tie around his head and the ghost of Ike Turner firing a longbow into the sky while riding Battlecat over the top of a burning car and it’d be the most perfect celebrity-related inappropriate violence story ever realised.

But even without them it’s still pretty brilliant. MTV reports:

According the report, Scottsdale police were called to the hotel at around 3:30 a.m., after two groups reportedly exchanged heated words at a private party on the hotel’s second floor. Officers saw Knight punched in the face twice by 38-year-old Robert Carnes Jr., who later told authorities he works for Akon. Knight was being treated for face injuries at the Scottsdale Healthcare Osborn.

Not that we condone violence or anything, but we’re slightly amazed by this. Not because Akon’s business manager seems to be as much of a knuckleheaded dolt as his client, but because Suge Knight actually had to go to hospital after the attack.

Because, you know, have you seen Suge Knight? The man’s massive. He’s so gigantic that whenever he wanted to go to hospital in the past he actually had to shoot himself in the leg to make a convincing enough injury.

Still, though, Suge Knight’s predicament just goes to show that if Rihanna wants to protect herself against being the victim of any more domestic violence, getting vastly fat and growing a ridiculous Uncle Albert beard isn’t going to help as much as she probably thought it would. But she should definitely still do it, though. Definitely.

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