Like Jon and Kate Plus 8? Think there are too many men and too few kids in it? Then thank heavens for Octomom!

She’s got her own show! On September 1, Octomom Nadya Suleman will begin shooting a new reality show along with her adorable child infestation. What format will the Octomom reality show take? We’re not sure, but we hear that the shortlist involves either training the children to sweep chimneys or using them to clear minefields.

Or it would, if only a judge hadn’t just ordered a lawyer to ensure that Nadya Suleman doesn’t exploit the kids. Stupid judge. Grr.

If we had to pick one thing that would make our lives more complete than anything, it’d be a plastic novelty lunchbox decorated with the eerie infant faces of all of Octomom Nadya Suleman’s 14 children. No, wait! It’d be a complete set of Octomom baby action figures that come in a disgustingly large limited-edition amniotic sac. No, wait, it’d be two tickets to the Octomom Nadya Suleman Circus, where her children are variously forced to crawl across highwires, flick a whip at an angry lion or have knives hurled at them by a blindfolded maniac.

Can you see the common theme here? We’re desperate to spend our hard-earned money on Octomom Nadya Suleman’s children, regardless of the personal or emotional cost to the kids themselves. But, oh no, that’s not going to happen now, is it? Not now that a judge has appointed a guardian to oversee Nadya Suleman’s financial estate because he’s worried that her children are being exploited in the name of entertainment. The LA Times reports:

A child-labor activist has filed suit against Suleman in Orange County Superior Court, alleging that video shot of her children violates a law aimed at protecting child entertainers from overwork. The suit seeks to create an independent trust for the children. Suleman said there was no need for a guardian.

Talk about crappy timing – in just a few weeks Nadya Suleman is going to start filming her new reality TV show, and this guardian is going to stringently ensure that every single child labour law is followed to the letter. Where’s the fun in that? Do you think that Joe Jackson followed child labour laws when he was training the Jackson 5 to become superstars? Of course he didn’t. It was a marathon of long hours and occasional beatings, and it worked. You only have to look at Michael Jackson to see… oh wait, bad example.

OK, then how about this – if Nadya Suleman isn’t allowed to exploit her children in a reality TV show then she’ll have to seriously reconsider that porno offer. Is that really something you want to see? No. No, of course it isn’t.

That’s why we’re pleading with Octomom’s new guardian – please, let the kids be exploited. Just a little bit. Because if producers aren’t allowed to film the children for illegally long stretches of time, do you know what every episode will consist of? An exhausted-looking woman crying non-stop because she’s ruined her life, that’s what.

Actually, that sounds like fun. Disregard, guardian.

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