Celebrities serve a very specific purpose in our society: to look, on average, better than us commoners, to have some discernable talent or claim to fame to keep us entertained (even if that talent involves a sex tape or fame comes from birthing eight children at once), and to talk enough so that we can bask in the glory of how stupid they can be. And if there is one thing they excel at, it's definitely the latter of the three.
Everyone says stupid things every now and then (except me, of course), but there is something so satisfying about catching a star in a mind-numbingly idiotic unscripted moment. I like to think of it as celebrities without makeup, but for the intellect. And lemme tell ya, there's some ugly-ass brains in tinseltown.
Britney Spears
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?I get to go lots of overseas places, like Canada.?
They say celebrities abide by different rules those that confine the rest of society (see: why isn't Lindsay Lohan in jail/been taken to the vet and put down). And, as it turns out, when you are the pop princess of the world, standard geography also don't pertain to you.
Side note: I'd love to blame this on the educational system in Louisiana, but honestly, she probably got this idea off the front of a Cheetos bag. How? I mean, how can she think Canada is overseas? Borderline illiteracy might play a small role.
Jessica Simpson
?I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me.?
Two things: 1. Has Jessica seen a mirror? I'm pretty sure no one was asking her that. 2. In Texas, you still get the death sentence even if you're mentally retarded. Jessica better watch out, because the defense she's building ain't gonna help.
Chris Brown
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?My mother taught me to treat a lady respectfully.?
You know, if by ?respectfully? you mean ?with fancy fists of fury.? Hey, can't blame the guy if he mixed up opening the door with smashing a girl?s face into it. It's the thought that counts.
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Johnny Depp (on photo shoots)
?Well, you just feel like you are being raped somehow.?
I'm guessing the rape isn't legitimate, which would explain why people aren't getting impregnated at the photo shoots. I guess Rep. Todd Akin had a point.
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David Hasselhoff
“I’ve got taste. It’s inbred in me.”
I knew the Hoff had a taste for hassling a burger into drunken submission, but I never knew he got that from his father/uncle. I guess his German ancestry should?ve tipped me off.
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Kris Humphries (on his wedding)
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?It was totally different than being in a basketball game.?
And we wonder why it didn't work out between them?
But seriously, the NBA is just as fixed as that damn reality show, so I doubt ?totally different? was the right choice of words. Maybe, ?it was a hoax? would be more fitting?
Donald Trump
?I mean, part of the beauty of me is that I'm very rich.?
Based on his hair, I never pegged Trump as someone who was self-aware. Joke'ds on me, I guess. This quote, while pompous and idiotic, deserves an applause. I think an Augusta golf clap fits the bill.
Paris Hilton
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?Everything bad that can happen to a person has happened to me?
Couldn't agree more. Life can be tough when you are given everything you could ever want or need. Every time those needy, starving, fly-ridden kids in Africa pop on my TV screen I throw the remote at them out of anger; how dare they sit there and feel sorry for themselves when there are real people suffering from real problems.
The only thing worse would be to be a gay guy. You know, the disgusting people that all have AIDS. Stay strong, girl!
Brooke Hogan
?You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it's kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I'm so moody all the time, I know I couldn't be able to run a country, ?cause I'd be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know??
The only good thing to come out of this quote is the fact that Brooke Hogan said she is not considering voting. She'd sooner vote for Hitler than Mother Teresa given that logic, so it's probably best she keeps out of the polls.
I'm not taking the bait on her saying She'll never try to run a country, though. You can bet she's already planning to annex a plot of land where she can wear all the assless jean chaps her heart desires when those things are finally outlawed. That reminds me, I need to check on the progress of that Bill I submitted.
Brooke Shields
?Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.?
You know what? I can't argue with that.