Hey, remember that time that Josh Duhamel was accused of cheating on Fergie by boning a stripper?
Sure you do. It only happened a week ago. What? You’ve forgotten already, on the basis that Josh Duhamel is the dullest man who’s ever lived? You think that wasting even a drop of brainpower on someone as inherently dreary as Josh Duhamel is a criminal misuse of humanity’s potential? Yeah, us too, actually.
But tough, because the stripper who Josh Duhamel allegedly had his ferociously mundane way with isn’t letting go of her moment in the spotlight. She’s publicly apologised to Fergie for having sex with her husband, whatever his name is. We’ve forgotten already. That’s how boring he is.
We’re ready to declare this – Josh Duhamel is a genius. Somehow he’s managed to become so unremittingly dull that he can get away with anything he likes. Take this stripper thing – Josh has been accused of having sex with a stripper behind Fergie’s back. Anybody else would have been hounded by the press until they broke down and confessed, but not Josh Duhamel. Josh Duhamel is so boring that nobody cares.
It’s such a brilliant tactic. Nobody can rouse any enthusiasm for anything he does, so he may as well do whatever he likes. If Josh Duhamel can get away with allegedly having it off with a stripper, then he should see what else he can do before anyone starts to notice him. He should rob banks, happyslap pensioners for their chips and start annexing small European principalities willy nilly. Sure, it’d annoy people but, so long as it was being done by Josh Duhamel, nobody would be able to rouse the enthusiasm to complain about any of it.
But just because Josh Duhamel is a wandering vacuum of all-encompassing nothingness, it doesn’t mean that everyone’s given up on the stripper story. Nicole Forrester, the stripper at the centre of all this, is still doing her best to bang on about it at every opportunity. So much so, in fact, that she’s decided to publicly apologise to Fergie for all the terrible things she did with Josh, just to string out her 15 minutes. US Magazine reports:
“I’m sorry.” At the time of the one-night stand, she explains “I thought, ‘Nobody’s gonna find out. It’s not gonna hurt anybody… I’m sorry that I didn’t think of it like I think of it now.” Things have been tough for Forrester since the news broke. Her son even told her “‘you’re disgusting. I didn’t know you had sex with him,’” she claims.
You have to feel for Nicole Forrester. After all, how was she to know that allegedly sleeping with a married actor and then voluntarily doing numerous high profile paid interviews about it on TV, radio and in print would lead to people finding out about it? She’s the real victim here. That poor woman.
Still, at least the total public apathy towards Nicole Forrester’s claims mean that Josh Duhamel’s film career won’t be put in any danger. He’ll still be able to turn out first-class performances like he did in… oh, look, we don’t know. We can’t even be arsed to Google him. He’ll be fine.
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