Strikes To Make Golden Globes Even Duller Than Usual

The striking writers of Hollywood have decided that nobody is to write next year's Golden Globes and Oscar ceremonies, meaning that all we'll have to laugh at is whatever shriekingly awful dress Sarah Jessica Parker turns up in.

Although the Writers Guild Of America strike currently just means that Ellen DeGeneres' infantile dog-based on-air tantrums are ad-libbed instead of tightly-scripted, the Guild has now decided to reject offers of an interim agreement allowing writers to work on next year's Golden Globes and Oscar ceremonies. That means that either this awards season will culminate in two long, awkward, unfunny, massively unentertaining shows or that the Golden Globes and the Oscars hire non-union writers from Lithuania to shape the ceremonies - fingers crossed for the latter, because LNK TV show Žinios. Verslas. Kriminalai has gone without a slick satirical Hollywood skewering for too long now.

The Golden Globes and the Oscars provide a chance to do several things at once. Not only are awards handed out to mark high achievement in the world of filmmaking, but the gatherings also mean that all the famous actors in the world can get together and say how brilliant they are for making serious films that nobody would ever dream of watching. But much more than that, they are a chance to sing smug, sharply-scripted songs about how old Jack Nicholson is looking these days. 

But not this year. Although the fact that Atonement has more Golden Globe nominations than anyone else would usually be cause for writers to rush off to their notepads and start scribbling down jokes about what a skinny posh wanker Keira Knightley is, this year there's none of that because the ongoing Writers Guild Of America strike is going to render both the Golden Globes and the Oscars jokeless.

Not that the awards shows aren't trying, though - to save face, the Oscars and the Golden Globes had been trying to fix some sort of interim agreement with writers to make sure that either ceremony didn't fall on its arse, but the Writers Guild has swatted the proposals away. Not only that, but the WGA has also banned the Oscars from using clips of movies or past ceremonies. And the organisers of the Golden Globes are understandably a little bit peeved:

"The Golden Globe Awards, which has a long and friendly relationship with the Writers Guild of America, is obviously disappointed that the WGA denied its request for a waiver, [but] encouraged by the fact that the WGA has announced that it plans to negotiate agreements with independent production companies."

So there's hope yet that the Golden Globes will be a mess of flubbed pre-prepared jokes instead of a mess of flubbed spontaneous jokes. And as for the Oscars - well, it's Jon Stewart that we feel sorry for. He's been given a second chance at hosting the Oscars after his first shot drew mixed reviews for being too clever, and now it looks like he'll be spending three hours scuffing his feet in a near-empty auditorium telling half-remembered jokes and not showing any clips of any of the nominated movies whatsoever.

Still, it's thought that this will still be better than Billy Crystal ever was.

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Hollywood Writers Reject Award Shows - Associated Press