And here’s another batch of Strictly Come Dancing recaps. Would you expect anything less from us? You would? Oh.

We’re getting towards the end of Strictly Come Dancing now and, as such, only the strongest competitors are left in the running. Well, the strongest competitors and Christine Bleakley, who is clearly worse than everyone else but keeps getting voted through by the public. We think that means she’ll have resigned by Friday.

Here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Tom Chambers…

Tom Chambers – On Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, Tom Chambers danced a Tango to Please Mr Brown. But smiley old Tom needed to learn how to get the fire for the performance, so he inexplicably went to the set of Holby City. Funny, we thought he wanted to learn passion, not how to be really bloody mediocre and shit and not even as good as Casualty. Did the Holby visit help Tom? Maybe – his performance was snappy and sharp and full of enough drama to convince the audience that he actually hates his partner.

However, what we think Tom Chambers really took from the Holby trip was how to do a proper Tango face – it appears that to do that you have to smear dogmuck around the inside of your nostrils, imagine that your hairy-faced auntie is trying to kiss you on the lips and think about how much you’re offended by the homeless. Honestly, the face was unbelievable. The Strictly Come Dancing judges said “I wouldn’t mind coming to your hospital for a little bit of slapping, I loved it!… The only thing it lacked was some moments of stillness,” but none of them mentioned the face. Seriously. Imagine an uptight waiter at a fancy restaurant catches you trying to dislodge gunk from under your toenail with a fishknife on the table. Imagine the face he’d pull. That’s the face that Tom Chambers pulled. Bravo, Tom. Bravo. Strictly Come Dancing score – 36

Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Rachel Stevens and Austin Healey.