How exciting was Strictly Come Dancing on Saturday? All those girls, doing dances. It was literally vaguely exciting.

Watching a new series of Strictly Come Dancing is like putting on an old pair of slippers – all the old favourites are there. Bruce Forsyth getting everyone’s name wrong, Bruce Forsyth copping a feel of Tess Daly’s boob in the opening dance, Bruce Forsyth looking like he only wanted to go down the shops and he doesn’t know why everyone’s staring at him and all the lights are making him confused. Yes, we’re pleased that Strictly Come Dancing is back.

But anyway, this isn’t about us. This is about Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing. So here’s our recap, for Lisa Snowdon…

Lisa Snowdon – Teaming Lisa Snowdon up with Brendan Cole for Strictly Come Dancing seems like an inspired choice – between the pair of them, they’ve got just about self-regarding smugness to power a cruise ship for a decade. But how would that translate to dancing? Hard to tell. Lisa Snowdon’s opening Strictly Come Dancing performance was a salsa to Rhythm Is Gonna Get You that was timid and slaggy in equal parts. Lisa looked unsure of herself for most of the routine, except for the bits where she got to stomp around waggling her norks about like an angry whore. Unsurprising, they were the parts that the Strictly Come Dancing judges loved, and they told her that next week she needs to get ‘dirtier’. So you should probably brace yourself for a dildo frenzy, in that case. Strictly Come Dancing score – 22

Tomorrow: our Strictly Come Dancing recap for Jodie Kidd.