Strictly Come Dancing recaps! Come on, not many left. That has to be a good thing, right?

Actually, we’ve noticed a horrifying trend in this year’s Strictly Come Dancing. John Sergeant left Strictly Come Dancing and he released a Christmas single. Christine Bleakley left Strictly Come Dancing and she released a Christmas single. So here’s the plan – let’s make Rachel Stevens win Strictly Come Dancing, because the last thing we need is any more hapless wailing coming out of her gob. OK?

Good. Then here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Lisa Snowdon…

Lisa Snowdon – Nobody likes Lisa Snowdon. That’s a simple fact. She’s been in so many consecutive Strictly Come Dancing dance-offs that we’ve literally lost count (yes, we can’t count any higher than two. Deal with it). But at least Lisa Snowdon is sensible and professional enough to realise that she shouldn’t get upset just because a bunch of Saturday teatime idiots aren’t voting for her in a dancing competition and… no, wait, no – Lisa Snowdon literally did nothing but cry throughout her entire Strictly Come Dancing training last week. Pathetic, we know, but let’s think positive – this is the first recorded instance of Lisa Snowdon being anything other than a steely-eyed self-infatuated robot since George Clooney first decided that he didn’t have anything better to do than have sex with her.

As for Lisa Snowdon’s Strictly Come Dancing performances, her first routine was a Foxtrot to Walking My Baby Back Home that managed to walk the fine line between unremarkable and flat-out desperate. It was boring, mostly because nobody has ever danced an interesting Foxtrot since time began, but the Strictly Come Dancing judges went slightly loopy over it regardless. Lisa’s second dance was Cha Cha Cha which was remarkable, but only because Lisa had actually killed and skinned Animal from The Muppets and wore the remains as her costume, and her partner seemed as if he was deliberately trying to offend Polio sufferers by lurching around the floor in a funny way. All in all, though, Lisa Snowdon ended up top of the Strictly Come Dancing leaderboard, and that helped her avoid the dance-off. But only that. Total Strictly Come Dancing score – 76

Tomorrow: the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Austin Healey.