Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Lisa Snowden & Rachel Stevens

This is our last set of Strictly Come Dancing recaps before Saturday’s show, and the thought of it alone is making us giddy. Or nauseous. We’ve lost the ability to tell.

You see, on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, the boys and the girls are going to be intermingled for the first time this series. It’s going to be too much to bear – Jodie Kidd one minute, that bloke of the Kenco adverts the next minute, the one out of S Club 7 the minute after and then the man from GMTV who looks like he’s been carved out of a single block of balsa wood the next. On Saturday, Strictly Come Dancing will literally become a show about dancing.

But before that, here’s the final Strictly Come Dancing recap from last Saturday’s show, for Lisa Snowdon and Rachel Stevens…

Lisa Snowdon – We’ll happily admit that we don’t quite get Lisa Snowdon. She gets to present Britain’s Next Top Model even though from time to time her face looks more like a jellyfish wound than an actual human face, and the Strictly Come Dancing judges love her even though she infuriates us massively. Her Rumba to Suddenly was the perfect example of this – to us it looked horrible; so massively overwrought and melodramatic that it seemed like Lisa Snowdon was actually taking the piss out of Strictly Come Dancing, especially at the end when her partner clutched her fist in such a gormless stab at anguish that it made him mostly look like an American soap star holding in a poo. It was an awful, self-regarding piece of over-the-top wank, so obviously the Strictly Come Dancing judges fell for it completely, describing it as “Come to me, hold me, touch me, feel me.” Weirdos. Strictly Come Dancing score – 32

Rachel Stevens – In a way, we’ve come to sort of appreciate Rachel Stevens and her Strictly Come Dancing partner – they’re both so tiny and have obviously spent their entire lives avoiding any form of original thought that they’re sort of like the brainless puppies of the show. And that was demonstrated yet again in Rachel’s Quickstep to Little Green Bag on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing. It was light and breezy and fun and frothy and everything, but it sort of came and went without troubling anyone very much at all. Having said that, Rachel Stevens sort of holds her arms quite well, and her dancing ability is all the more impressive because she’s obviously a midget. Anyway, what did the Strictly Come Dancing judges think of Rachel’s routine? “Fast, fleet-footed, you two are the perfect package.” They also called it the best Quickstep of the night, so congratulations Rachel Stevens – you’re officially better than a frantic, sob-faced orange woman who used to be on EastEnders. Strictly Come Dancing score – 33

Next week: So many Strictly Come Dancing recaps that we’ve just vomited down our chin.