This is always a bittersweet time of the week for us – it’s the last of our Strictly Come Dancing recaps for the week.

Why is it such a bittersweet time for us? Simple – it’s because we know that on Saturday, although we’ll get to watch several more wonderful Strictly Come Dancing routines, we’ll also have to say goodbye to one of the dancers. And that’s what really hurts. Because, really, just one? Can’t you get rid of all of them so we can get our weekends back?

Anyway, here are the final Strictly Come Dancing recaps of the week, for John Sergeant and Tom Chambers…

John Sergeant – So far, John Sergeant has managed to get this far on Strictly Come Dancing through sheer power of charm, escorting his partner around the dancefloor like a proud father. But on Saturday John had to dance a Samba, which clearly suits him as well as a baseball cap and hoody would. So, to prepare for this assault of Latin passion, John was introduced to hundreds of Brazilian women in peacocky headgear and tiny underwear – an act which left his shirt covered in sweat, the randy old sod. But the dance itself was a bit harder to describe, because rather than an actual samba it was just the same routine that he’d been doing for his ballroom, with the added inclusion of a gruesome wiggly bit in the middle. It was as slow as it was confusing, and about as Latin as a pickled herring, and the Strictly Come Dancing judges gave him what-for for it. “This is supposed to be a party dance. There’s more fun in a party conference.” In all, John Sergeant got the worst Strictly Come Dancing score of the night – even less than the man who nearly smashed his partner’s skull into dust on the floor. That’s something to be weirdly proud of, we think. Strictly Come Dancing score – 16

Tom Chambers – Face it, Tom Chambers could have shat on his partner’s chest on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing and he still wouldn’t have come within a million miles of the dance-off. That’s because Tom Chambers got married on Sunday, and so his entire Strictly Come Dancing intro was all about the wedding and how much he loved his fiance and blah blah ick – which, scientifically, is more likely to win the hearts of all the middle-aged women watching the show that a basket of kittens being held by Cliff Richard in a tuxedo. Nevertheless, Tom Chambers managed to pull off an American Smooth to Chicago that was completely on the money. It was zippy and smooth and snappy and all the other adjectives you’d expect us to use for a successful American Smooth, and the Strictly Come Dancing judges wet themselves over it, saying “I know your goal is to beat Austin. No question tonight, you’ve done it.” Just as well, really because now that he’s married the rest of Tom Chambers’ life is bound to be filled with unquestionable misery. Strictly Come Dancing score – 35

More Strictly Come Dancing recaps next week. Gosh, we can hardly wait.