It’s time for out third Strictly Come Dancing recap of the week. Don’t say we never give you anything.

But before we get to that, cast your mind back a few weeks to when we pointed out that shuttling backwards and forwards between the UK and America might end up doing Strictly Come Dancing judge Len Goodman in? We think we saw the fist signs of that on Saturday – Len was preposterously grumpy during the entire show. And we’re not even halfway through yet – he’ll do someone in with an axe by Christmas, mark our words.

Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Heather Small and Tom Chambers…

Heather Small – After labouring through two Strictly Come Dancing dance-offs in a row, Heather Small was feeling depressed and miserable before Saturday’s show, so she bucked up her ideas the only way she knew how – by playing a concert. It was a smart move – the only people who are depressed and miserable at a Heather Small concert are her audiences – and it meant she could attack her Viennese Waltz to Vision Of Love with a renewed sense of purpose. To put that into English, it meant that Heather Small took off her silver jumpsuit and ridiculous afro and performed a dance that didn’t make us feel like we were suffering from an Ebola attack. And, once again, she looked as if she was enjoying it, too – almost looking as if she was about to have it off with partner at the end of the routine. The Strictly Come Dancing judges noticed this too, and told her “You were a vision of loveliness. The relationship between you two read very well.” All in all, Heather Small was one of the nicest surprises of Strictly Come Dancing so far. We give her a fortnight, tops. Strictly Come Dancing score – 27

Tom Chambers – Nobody, in all fairness, was ever expecting Tom Chambers to do very well on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing. After all, he’d got married less than a week ago and was on his honeymoon preparing for a life of emotional detachment and passive aggressive nagging. However, so dedicated is Tom to Strictly Come Dancing that he shipped his partner to the hotel he was staying at and trained for the entire week with his new wife sniffing around in the background. This was all for his Viennese Waltz to Can’t Help Falling In Love With You, which was obviously just a ploy to bung him in the same natty tuxedo he wore the previous week and hope that was enough to get people to vote for him. Apparently, according to the Strictly Come Dancing judges, Mark’s routine was full of technical mistakes, but we didn’t really notice those because we were too busy squirming uncomfortably at all the gooey looks that he was exchanging with his partner throughout the routine, even though his new wife was sitting a few feet away. Urgh. Strictly Come Dancing score – 32

Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing recaps for John Sergeant, Rachel Stevens and Jodie Kidd.