Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Gillian Taylforth Booted Out

Last night, the Strictly Come Dancing ladies had their first chance to convince the public that they weren’t cack, and Gillian Taylforth failed.

According to one of the Strictly Come Dancing judges, the thing that left Gillian Taylforth down the most was all her ‘gapping’ - a term so obscene sounding it almost made us bring our tea back up. But we shouldn’t get too downhearted - at least the Strictly Come Dancing dance-off wasn’t between Gillian and Jessie Wallace. That would have been like watching a spangly version of Jeremy Kyle, and nobody needs that.

Anyway, with Gillian Taylforth gone, who’s going to win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s our recap of the girls, starting with Jessie Wallace and Christine Bleakley…

Jessie Wallace - Believe what you read and Jessie Wallace is the troublemaker of this year’s Strictly Come Dancing. Apparently she hates everyone else in the competition because they’re either younger than her, prettier than her, better dancers than her or don’t have a voice that sounds like shrieking fox intercourse. Anyway, on Saturday Jessie Wallace had her chance to put all the rumours behind her with her first Strictly Come Dancing performance. Since Jessie is basically the living embodiment of a pikey salsa night at a shit nightclub, it was only natural that she did a Salsa. So she did, and even dressed up like a transvestite’s curtain for it, too. But that didn’t help the fact that Jessie Wallace ended up jerking around like she was being possessed by a hyperactive tapeworm for the entire 90 seconds. Which apparently wasn’t what the Strictly Come Dancing judges were looking for, weirdly. Bottom of the class and lucky to survive. Strictly Come Dancing score - 20

Christine Bleakley - Although Christine Bleakley didn’t introduce herself to the Strictly Come Dancing audience as ‘the woman best known for possibly but probably not having it off with Adrian Chiles‘, but that’s what she actually is. Anyway, can Christine Bleakley dance? Oh, God knows. For all her yammering about being nervous ahead of Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, her Foxtrot to The Way You Look Tonight seemed like it was sort of OK, but to be honest we were a bit distracted by her partner, who kept pulling these weird faces like he was trying to swallow a cloud. It was graceful, we suppose, but a bit dull. So, needless to say, the Strictly Come Dancing judges loved it. Strictly Come Dancing score - 27

Tomorrow: the Strictly Come Dancing recap continues, with our take on Lisa Snowdon.