Gary Rhodes has waltzed off Strictly Come Dancing – well, OK, maybe not waltzed; frankly we’d be stunned if he had the coordination to walk in a straight line.
After a week spent bickering with his Strictly Come Dancing partner, Gary Rhodes was full of attack for Saturday’s jive to Lipstick Powder And Paint. And, to be fair, it was better than his first routine. Although, having said that, he could have pooed down his leg while screaming white supremacist slogans and it would still be better than his first routine.
Still, with Gary Rhodes gone, who’s going to win the show? Here’s the first installment of this week’s Strictly Come Dancing recap, for Austin Healey and Mark Foster…
Austin Healey – Having had his opening routine described by the Strictly Come Dancing judges as the best first dance ever, Austin Healey decided to try and meet the pressure head-on this week with a Jive to You Can’t Stop The Beat. And, like a true champ, he hard an arsenal of weapons at his disposal. The odd pixie high five. The bizarre kung-fu kicks that came without warning as if he was some sort of demented Can-Can dancer with Tourette’s. And, perhaps best of all, the thundering man-cleavage he’d decided to give himself. Honestly, it would have been quicker and more dignified if Austin Healey had just gone to a doctor to have his bollocks snipped off. Incredibly, however, the Strictly Come Dancing judges loved Austin’s routine, telling him: “You have set the standard for Strictly series six.” However, having seen Austin’s man-cleavage, he shouldn’t have too much to worry about – as soon as he gets voted off Strictly Come Dancing he’ll probably have quite a lucrative career standing around in his bra for the lad’s mags. Strictly Come Dancing score – 34
Mark Foster – There’s a chance that Mark Foster got Strictly Come Dancing mixed up with X Factor on Saturday, because he decided to make his training montage all about how cripplingly shy he is. Which, you know, might be halfway believable if he didn’t make his living from flapping about in his pants all day. Anyway, Mark Foster’s Strictly Come Dancing Tango to Tanguera was a bit of a confusing one – he misheard the instruction ‘look fierce and dominant’ as ‘clomp around like a terrifying serial-killing rapist version of Frankenstein’s Monster who’s doing his best to hold in a shit.’ As expected, the Strictly Come Dancing judges weren’t crazy about it, telling Mark that “You do have the ability to dance, but get this man to an acting coach!” Which is a fair point – as soon as his athletics career is over, Mark Foster could use the training if he wants to be in with a chance of scoring the lead in the upcoming West End musical adaptation of Bigfoot & The Hendersons. Strictly Come Dancing score – 24
Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing recaps for John Sergeant and Andrew Castle.
Raquel says
Seriously from that re-cap i gathered you didn’t enjoy any of stricly that night. Austins preformance was actually good! If u really think you could preform as well as that in the 3rd week why don’t you sign yourself up for the next series instead of being so negative about a bloody. Man clevage! are u on crack! You sound a bit bitter to me! Austin Healy can waltz to my door step any day of the week!The mark foster comments were un-called for!!!! Bear in mind that these are not there usual career jobs i think they have progressed well. If u can’t write a true discription on your little re-cap page i suggest you switch your TV off when strictly starts and do something more constructive with your time! People like you are seriously pathetic! Twat!!!!