Time for our last Strictly Come Dancing recap of the week – but don’t be sad, because we’ll be back next week. And the week after. And the week after that. Forever, basically.

This Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing should prove to be an exciting one, because it seems as if all the dancers will be performing whatever dances they like again. We hear that Tom Chambers is doing a Quickstep, Cherie Lunghi’s dancing a Waltz and John Sergeant is going to do the exact same dance as always and still get through anyway because of his lovely big fat face.

Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Christine Bleakley and Rachel Stevens…

Christine Bleakley – On last week’s Strictly Come Dancing, Christine Bleakley received a three from one of the judges, which more or less made her react as if her entire family had been mown down by a runaway combine harvester. Needless to say, this knocked her confidence ahead of Saturday’s American Smooth to Singin’ In The Rain, a routine she performed while pulling a face like the girl who dies at the beginning of The Ring. Apparently Christine’s main problem was her legs, which weren’t as pointy as the Strictly Come Dancing judges wanted, and they told her “The top half was Hollywood – the bottom half was dead wood.” Thankfully, Christine got a higher score than she did in the previous week’s show. We’re relieved about that because if it was any worse, we assume that she’d be dancing around in a puddle of her own urine next week. Strictly Come Dancing score – 29

Rachel Stevens – It must be great being Rachel Stevens. She’s all energy and smiles, and we think that’s because she’s never been troubled by anything as complicated as a thought. This was demonstrated on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing when, as is becoming the norm for her, Rachel danced a Jive to Sweet Soul Music that was superficially very good but lacked any kind of personality whatsoever. Not even the sight of Rachel Stevens slapping her boobies around in her partner’s face could liven things up any, which is a sentence we never thought we’d see ourselves type. By and large, though, the Strictly Come Dancing judges appeared to enjoy the routine, saying things like “welcome back Rachel, the firecracker! You were selling it – tonight you ignited!” but Rachel really needs to hire an acting coach. But not her blonde ex-bandmate from S Club 7, though, unless she wants the only emotion she has to convey to be ‘looking unconvincingly nervous about CGI dinosaurs’. Although that would admittedly be a step up. Strictly Come Dancing score – 32

Next week: This again.