Watching John Sergeant get through to next week’s Strictly Come Dancing yet again was an absolute joy. Not because we particularly enjoy watching John Sergeant dance, nor because we like deliberately ruining the credibility of reality TV shows, but because watching Bruce Forsyth dodder around murmuring “We have a situation” like an anxious string puppet afterwards was perhaps the greatest thing we’ve ever seen.
Anyway, here’s our Strictly Come Dancing recap for Christine Bleakley and Austin Healey…
Christine Bleakley – Over the last few weeks on Strictly Come Dancing, Christine Bleakley has been restoring some of her early promise, and now we know why – it’s because all of Northern Ireland is behind her. Literally all of it. History will remember this well – terrorism, armed occupation and endless political negotiation couldn’t unite the country, but a lanky girl twatting around in a sparkly dress can. But before we suggest that airdropping Alesha Dixon into Palestine to put an end to the problems in the Middle East, we should probably mention Christine’s Strictly Come Dancing waltz to See The Day. It was drab. Drab and featureless. Drab and featureless and, um, the Strictly Come Dancing judges really enjoyed it, calling it “A big song, a big dance and without a doubt your best yet.” Although we should point out that this was because so little happened in the routine that she had less to screw up. But, hey, you know the pattern – a good Christine Bleakley performance one week equals three weeks of cocky and complacent routines coming up. So look forward to those. Strictly Come Dancing score – 34
Austin Healey – After wrecking his Rumba last week, Austin Healey had a twofold plan to stride back to Strictly Come Dancing victory on Saturday. Firstly he chose to dance a Tango to Libertango, which allowed him to glower at his partner with simmering hatred instead of the gloopy romance of the previous week. Secondly Austin Healey decided to grow a little goatee for the dance, which made him look identical to Toadfish from Neighbours. We’re not really sure what the relevance of that was, to be honest with you, but he did. And, leaving aside the confusing training session at a primary school – which almost doubled up as a special class about mummy-daddy domestic violence – the routine was actually very polished. One of the Strictly Come Dancing judges called it “Aggressive, passionate, driven. You told the story, you looked like you were in absolute complete control.” That’s right – Austin told the story, and that story just happened to be a tale about a cocky little sod with a bit of a Napoleon complex. We can’t think how he got into that particular role. Strictly Come Dancing score – 38
Tomorrow: the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Rachel Stevens.