Here it comes, another blast of Strictly Come Dancing recaps. You’ll miss them when they’ve gone, you know.

But first, let’s take another look at how close Len Goodman is getting to his full-scale nervous breakdown. This week, we’ve noticed that it doesn’t matter how much he slags off the dancers, he never gives them a score below six. Our bet is that at some point soon, the two warring sides of Len’s personality will break loose of each other, causing him to open a spooky hotel and kill everyone. We’ve seen Psycho. We know how it works.

Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Cherie Lunghi, John Sergeant and Tom Chambers…

Cherie Lunghi – After she nearly toppled over during her dance last week, Cherie Lunghi had it all to play for on Saturday with her Salsa to Oye Mi Canto. However, the Salsa is a young person’s dance and Cherie Lunghi is nothing like a young person. So Cherie built the routine from the ground up using some impeccable logic. The Salsa is a sexy dance. And cats are sexy animals. So to tap into the Salsa, Cherie Lunghi had to dance like a cat. And what do cats do? That’s right, they cough up hairballs. Which explains why, for the most part of her routine, Cherie Lunghi seemed to be doing some very theatrical dry-heaves. Apart from all the mock-vomiting, though, Cherie gave all the symptoms of a woman past her prime – the dancing was wet, insipid and hesitant, prompting the Strictly Come Dancing judges to say “it was exasperatingly underpowered – it wasn’t sexy or sassy or naughty, all things I’m sure you can be.” So expect Cherie to up the old HRT for next week, then. Strictly Come Dancing score – 26

John Sergeant – As dumpy and hopeless as he might be, John Sergeant is emerging as something of a public hero – something demonstrated on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing by the brief montage of taxi drivers all bellowing things like “John Sergeant? Ee’s faaacking bwillyent!” It’s just as well that people like him because, as a dancer, John Sergeant is terrible. His Foxtrot to I Want To Be Loved By You was the exact same dance as he’s been doing since the start of the competition, and the Strictly Come Dancing judges told him “it’s the old fox running out of tricks. She [Kristina] covers for you so well!” And speaking of Kristina – it’s OK, we get it, you think you look like Marilyn Monroe. So, you know, dancing to a Marilyn Monroe song seems a bit like overkill. What are you going to do next week? Have it off with a Kennedy and then kill yourself? Strictly Come Dancing score – 20

Tom Chambers – He might have been away with fairies last week following his wedding, but for Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing Paso Doble to I Just Died In Your Arms, Tom Chambers had to knuckle down to business. He certainly seemed like a married man during the performance – he was throwing himself into work to avoid going home and it doesn’t look like he can be bothered to shave any more – but that appeared to work for him. Aside from the fight he started within the Strictly Come Dancing judges by waggling a cape around – it was either brilliant or “like putting the cover on a duvet” depending on who you asked, the routine was surprisingly good. It was dramatic, dynamic and – best of all – Tom and his partner have inherited Don Warrington‘s mantle of Strictly Come Dancing‘s barmy-faced weirdos. During the dance, Tom looked pulled a face like a French waiter serving a tramp and his partner channelled the spirit of a shark trying to eat a ghost perfectly. More like this please. Strictly Come Dancing score – 34

Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Christine Bleakley and Rachel Stevens.