Time for some more Strictly Come Dancing recaps, so hold onto your hat. No, literally, hold onto it. OK, go and get a hat and then hold onto it.

Back? Good. We’re so excited about Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, because the standard of competition is now so high. Honestly, if we didn’t know that Lisa Snowdon will get voted off on Sunday, the tension would be killing us.

But until then, here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Austin Healey…

Austin Healey – Now, look, Austin Healey has been slipping down the Strictly Come Dancing leaderboard for a couple of weeks, so he obviously needed something really special to pull out of the bag on Saturday’s show to help him claw his way back to the top again. Could it be his Foxtrot to L-O-V-E? Well, it ditched all the ridiculous shimmery tittedness of his performance last week in favour of something less try-hard, something more subtle and nuanced and, yes, classy. But that wasn’t it.

No, Austin was storing up his energy for his second Strictly Come Dancing performance – a Paso Doble to Espana Cani that was perhaps the single most ridiculous thing we’ve ever witnessed in our entire lives. Rather than dance, Austin Healey undid his shirt, bellowed “OLE!” every two or three seconds and stomped around like a slightly xenophobic cartoon bull. He didn’t even dance during the routine – he just jumped around angrily shouting “HA!” in pretty much the same way that you would if you trod on some Lego barefoot first thing in the morning. It was powerful, yes, but it was also unbelievably stupid and so gay that you could ice a cake with it. Total Strictly Come Dancing score – 74

Tomorrow: the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Tom Chambers.