Ready? Are you ready for this week’s second batch of Strictly Come Dancing recaps? Good. We can tell if you’re lying, you know.

On reflection, Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing was perhaps our favourite of the series so far, because it marked the point where the Strictly Come Dancing judges started to get really narked off with the viewers for not eliminating John Sergeant. Why, if we were so inclined we’d say that everyone should keep John in next week too, just to see which judge does a dirty protest in their knickers first.

Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Austin Healey and Cherie Lunghi…

Austin Healey – Brace yourselves everyone, this is big – on Saturday Austin Healey gave a Strictly Come Dancing performance that was a little bit crap. This, you see, was because Austin was dancing a Rumba to When You Tell Me That You Love Me, and all his overcompensatory masculinity stood in the way of the romanticism needed for a great Rumba. The routine was in trouble right from the first day of training, when Austin tried to pull a sexy face and ended up hitting ‘creepy’, ’stroke victim’ and ‘Steptoe’ instead. And, in the performance itself – despite his partner literally undressing him – the sexiest thing that Austin Healey could muster was an unusual interest in hair-sniffing. It was awkward to watch – like the bit out of Back To The Future where Michael J Fox has to kiss his own mum – and the Strictly Come Dancing judges didn’t hold back in their criticism of him. “My feeling is you weren’t comfortable doing this dance, and it was uncomfortable to watch. The elements you mastered, but it lacked warmth,” they said. But, hey, it’s not all bad – by being rubbish, at least Austin Healey has given us something to say about him for the first time in a month. Strictly Come Dancing score – 29

Cherie Lunghi – After two solid weeks of impersonating a doddery old lady after an afternoon on the gin, Cherie Lunghi was allowed back into her comfort zone on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing by dancing a waltz. And, judging by her supreme cockiness in training, she knew it too. So how was Cherie Lunghi’s dance? Well, the Strictly Come Dancing judges seemed to like it, telling her “For me the English rose is back in full bloom, your grace and elegance, but get that confidence in the latin dances.” Sadly we don’t have an opinion on Cherie Lunghi’s waltz because it was set to I Wonder Why by Curtis Stigers, and so naturally we spent the entirety of the routine punching ourselves in the face with a plastic bag taped over our head in a bath of boiling water. Seriously. Curtis Titting Stigers. Gah. Strictly Come Dancing score – 36

Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Christine Bleakley and Rachel Stevens.