It’s a measure of how close this series of Strictly Come Dancing is that one of the front-runners can’t even make the semi-final.

And by that we mean that Austin Healey was eliminated from the show last night. And, obviously, when we say that Austin Healey was a Strictly Come Dancing front-runner, we mean that he’s clearly completely in love with himself, the puffed-up little rugby twerp.

So, Austin Healey is out of Strictly Come Dancing, but why? Well, here’s his recap…

Austin Healey – A few weeks ago it looked as if Austin Healey was going to win Strictly Come Dancing hands down. Not any more, though – not only had his stupid little Napoleon strut been replaced by a constant off-putting look of try-hard desperation, but the Strictly Come Dancing judges didn’t like the fact that his muscles prevented him from holding his hands above his head properly. Not only did that make him a dancer of limited ability, but it’d also make him crap in a hostage situation, and that’d never do. So, on Saturday, Austin Healey needed to pull something special out of the bag to keep him in the running. Did he?

In a word, no. Austin’s first Strictly Come Dancing routine was an American Smooth to, ironically, The Best Is Yet To Come which should have been spectacular – he was easily strong enough to carry off the lifts and his partner had even dressed up as an exploded parrot especially – but it just seemed a little drab. The judges told Austin that it wasn’t ‘Hollywood’ enough, which we’re taking to mean that Austin didn’t Botox his face into an immobile frightmask and there wasn’t a 20-minute Scientology pamphleting interlude. Austin’s second dance was a Salsa where, aside from his partner trying so hard to draw attention to her boobs that she may as well have magic markered a dirty great arrow pointing to them on her chin, Austin Healey mainly dry-retched a lot. The two may not be unconnected. Anyway, bye. Total Strictly Come Dancing score – 70

Tomorrow: the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Lisa Snowdon.