Given that he danced like Frankenstein’s monster trampling bubblewrap, Andrew Castle was never going to get far on Strictly Come Dancing.

And yesterday he went. Despite an injury, Andrew Castle unsuccessfully decided to draw attention away from his dicky knee by waggling his shoulders around like an electrocution victim and sort of thrusting his arms about like he was trying to fight off an army of invisible rapists. Not even Andrew Castle’s dance partner rubbing her fanny up and down his bad knee could save him, and that’s really saying something.

So, with Andrew Castle gone, who’ll win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s the first part of our Strictly Come Dancing recaps this week, for Austin Healey and Heather Small…

Austin Healey – On Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, Austin Healey got to dance a Quickstep to S’wonderful - a dance that was said to be perfect for him because it’s fun and energetic just like him. That wasn’t a completely accurate statement – Austin’s perfect dance would need to be fun and energetic and smug and a bit mouthy – but it was close enough. And the routine itself was just what you’d expect from an Austin Healey performance, in that it was nimble and springy and competent and everyone loved it. That includes the Strictly Come Dancing judges, who called it “as exciting as Lewis Hamilton in the Formula 1″. We think that means it was fast, but so mercilessly professional that it ended up being boring. If that’s the case it was a perfect fit. Strictly Come Dancing score – 36

Heather Small – For the fist time in what feels like Strictly Come Dancing history, Heather Small avoided the dance-off last week and, with thumping inevitability, it turned her into a cocky little sod during training. Nevertheless, the message was clear – Heather Small is really quite decent at slow ballroom dances. So, on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, Heather naturally had a pop at a fast Cha Cha Cha to American Boy. We’re no experts on the Cha Cha Cha, but we’re pretty sure it’s not supposed to be as porny as Heather’s routine was – all full of snarling and collar-grabs and air lassos and pelvic thrusting – nor as wonky and out of time. The Strictly Come Dancing judges said that it was “sluggish and behind the beat – a damp squib rather than taking off like a rocket.” But we’re grateful that Heather Small managed to get through to next week – the longer she stays in, the more likely it is that she’ll have full sex with her partner on live TV. Strictly Come Dancing score – 23

Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Jodie Kidd and Lisa Snowdon.